i never forget where i wasOriginally Posted by JMP
and you just never know if you give someone a glimpse of HOPE that may be all they need
BY ME STAYING CLEAN AND SHARING MY STORY THEN I "AM THE MESSAGE"
THE MESSAGE OF HOPE
THAT ANY ADDICT CAN GET CLEAN AND STAY CLEAN
my Addictions Doctor Dr.Douglas Coleman said i was one of the worst he's ever seen
i was just PURE INSANE
but i had the will to not die in addicition
i'd had enough
i went to 2 Treatment Centers got kicked out of both
1st Maple Ridge Treatment Center then was a co-ed facility i detoxed in there got kicked out in 4 wks of a 6 wk program lol
then i said **** you guys i'm gonna stay clean
i went to 3 - 4 or more meetings a day
NA, AA, COCAINE ANONYMOUS, MARIJUANA ANONYMOUS, OVEREATERS ANONYMOUS, SEXAHOLICS ANONYMOUS
i'd lost my drivers license due to drinking and driving lol
so was on the bus to meeting after meeting
i was declared by my doctor "MEDICALLY INABLE TO WORK" so was on "MEDICAL EMPLOYMENT INSURANCE"
so was at a morning meeting, then lunch meeting, then evening meeting, then sometimes i'd go to the Recovery Club for a midnite meeting
bound and determined i was
i did meetings like i did my drugs... I POUNDED IT !!!!!!
THE ONLY WAY I DO THINGS IS ALL OR NOTHING
i hadta retrain my brain
i had to find the path that many before me had
i had to open my mind
cuz i was raised not to believe in God or a higher power
i was raised an Atheist
but in 12 step programs you HAVETA HAVE A "HIGHER POWER"
so at 1st i just wrote my baby brother Bruce's (who died in 1991) name on my hand over and over again every day with 2 hearts
cuz i believed that something was watching out over me
something had to be cuz theres no way i should be alive
all the drinking and driving i did, all the car accidents, i couldn't count how many cars i've totalled, not just wrecked totalled...
all the insane predicaments i'd put myself in
the amount of chemicals i'd injested orally, snorted, smoked
crack, speed, pharmaceuticals, alcohol by the gallons, pot, amphetamines, designer drugs,
piles of coke & speed snorted, and oh the X-tasy wow like 5 - 10 a day hahaha
how the hell am i still alive
BUT FOR THE GRACE OF GOD THERE GO I THATZ WHY
and i've been keep around for a reason
and when i heard in those meetings...
"ONE IS TOO MANY AND A 1000 IS NEVER ENOUGH"
oh boy oh baby did i get that one
there was never 1 drink, 1 toke, 1 line, 1 hit NOOOOOOOOOOOOO NEVER
that 1... hell who the hell would know where i'd end up, another city, province, country SERIOUSLY
jail AGAIN !!!!!!!!! crap
oh man
all true
my life is crazier than any movie i guarantee you
and i lived thru it all
and sitting in those rooms those meetings i heard a message of hope
a message that any addict can get clean and stay clean if you apply the program to your life
and don't worry about anyone else you gotta be selfish you gotta be there for you
and you gotta do whatever it takes to get clean and stay clean
you haveta change everything
all your friends, your thinking everything
and you haveta been committed
and you haveta know without a shadow of a doubt YOU ARE AN ADDICT
which means you can never again have a drink, a toke a line a NOTHING
NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO YOU ARE DONE IT'S OVER
and in order to have a happy healthy life
you not only haveta abstain for using whatever it is you use...
drugs, alcohol, shopping, sex, gambling, food
you haveta apply the program to your life for the rest of your life
then and only then will you have RECOVERY
if you don't you are only a dry drunk you may not use but you have still the sickness within you poisoning you
TRUE RECOVERY IS TRUE WELLNESS... WHOLENESS
and it is here you find true happiness
LOOK NOT TO WHAT NEEDS TO BE CHANGED IN THE WORLD
BUT WHAT NEEDS TO BE CHANGED IN YOURSELF
and because i surrendered to the program
surrendered to the fact i'm an addict and always will be an addict
it is here that I FOUND MY TRUE POWER
and it took me a long time to get where i called my higher power GOD
but i am not religious
but do believe in theres some out there greater than myself
i believe in angels
i believe theres something thats watched out over me
all i know is this
the program of NA works
i'm a living example
thank you for my clean time
love always Dawn xox
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