I need to talk

[Big D]

I always have trouble expressing myself, so i'll give it a try.

I've been with my gf for 6 years now,
the past 2 years it just seems like we've grown apart.
we never get along anymore we argue enough. and I feel like all my love is gone.
I just dont feel happy anymore.

now I got a new job, i'm out of town, and tonight I couldn't hold it in anymore so when i called her i had to tell her how i felt. we petty much broke up, she dosent want to but I just dont see how we can fix things? we've tried to fix things, it works for a few weeks then everything goes back to arguing again.

I just dont know what to do.

now I just feel like shit, cant even hold my food in :(

[MMASTAR]

sometimes people stay togther because there comfortable, not because they are in love, if the feelings have faded it may be time to say goodbye, it might hurt for a while but chance are you will both move on and be happier in the long run, if your not in love its better to end it now rather than carry on just because or before someone gets accidently prego, sometimes were just better to cut our ties and look for the next one. it hurts but no point staying together just because its easy.

[Delt King]

If you're not married cut it off now.

[gojimmygo]

Try not to be hard on yourself bro, it would be worse for her if you stayed with her and didn't like her. good luck

[Victor85]

All i can say is "stress kills!" and the longer you go along with issues that affect you in a negative manner(relationship/s) the shorter you will live. Do your self a favour and do what you want to do and what makes you happy. (My 2 cents) Good luck.

[#8]

dude. you and me need to hit the STRIP CLUB. lets GOOOOOOOO!! it will be a blast :)

[natenator]

go get couples counciling. There's an underlying reason for this. 6 years is a long time to just throw something away. Working on things takes effort. You have to remember each day to work on your issues otherwise you do go back to regular patterns.

If after counciling it doesn't work then its time to part ways.

[ironwill]

Great advice Nate!!!!, i agree also.....

[natenator]

FYI: The reason I can say what I said is because I experienced it. My ex and I went to therapy together for a number of months and what it came down to was I was the underlying issue in preventing our relationship from going forward.

I had stuff I needed to work through (which I've indicated in a previous thread) and to do that was going to take time and she deserved more than what I could give her at that time and for however long it took me to work on me and still in the end it was not set in stone I would be ready to move forward with her.

One thing I know it relationships take work and effort and there WILL be rocky times. It's how you deal with those rocky times that determine your future with that person.

Another idea is maybe a trip away together?

[MMASTAR]

go get couples counciling. There's an underlying reason for this. 6 years is a long time to just throw something away. Working on things takes effort. You have to remember each day to work on your issues otherwise you do go back to regular patterns.

If after counciling it doesn't work then its time to part ways.

If a relationship is going to be that much work is it really worth it?? he says he hasnt been feeling it for 2 years, so lets be real and call this a 4 year relationship with 2 years of being there because its comfortable, love should be easy, personalitys should work together, i dont think any couple should have to work overly hard to be in love, its just not worth it IMHO. Love should come naturally

[natenator]

If a relationship is going to be that much work is it really worth it?? he says he hasnt been feeling it for 2 years, so lets be real and call this a 4 year relationship with 2 years of being there because its comfortable, love should be easy, personalitys should work together, i dont think any couple should have to work overly hard to be in love, its just not worth it IMHO. Love should come naturally
Ask Faller. Dude has been married for EONS and has had issues during that time and am sure there were periods that weren't all that rosey.

If you want to look at something not being worth it when the going gets tough then you will be single for the rest of your life. You want an easy life it seems. Nothing worth having comes without some kind of fight.

Relationships go through periods of being in love. You cant be running hot all the time. It's just not possible. But being in love and loving someone are very different things.

[Big D]

thanks everyone for the replies, this helps so much.
we're going to talk tonight. she wants to work things out, I just dont see how we can work things out. but I will try

counciling is a great Idea, i will keep it in mind, but we're both still very young and i dont see at as wasting 6 years. I guess what i'm trying to say is i feel like I need a new start.

[natenator]

thanks everyone for the replies, this helps so much.
we're going to talk tonight. she wants to work things out, I just dont see how we can work things out. but I will try

counciling is a great Idea, i will keep it in mind, but we're both still very young and i dont see at as wasting 6 years. I guess what i'm trying to say is i feel like I need a new start.
We ALLLLLL go through that dude. Every single one of us do. As the years get on, shit gets more routine and boring. Life takes over.

That's why things take work and effort.

BTW: I'm not saying I am good at what I preach. I just know these things SHOULD be done. I am not so great at doing them myself lol

[waderow]

We ALLLLLL go through that dude. Every single one of us do. As the years get on, shit gets more routine and boring. Life takes over.

That's why things take work and effort.

BTW: I'm not saying I am good at what I preach. I just know these things SHOULD be done. I am not so great at doing them myself lol

agreed

all relationships take work, and those that think they dont have never been in one, and/or are too young to know anything about serious relationships.

People are all too quick to say "dump her" and "if its that much trouble, leave her".... I chuckle because I am sure these guys at home are either alone, or 20 years old and still chasing bar sluts.

6 years is a long time, and to throw that away in my eyes would require cheating. Nothing else could cause that relationship to be regarded as lost with out a fight. See a counselor. She want it to work, and I think you should too. When this can be overcome, you will find yourself closer then ever with this girl, and the little things will become trivial.

[ironwill]

agreed

all relationships take work, and those that think they dont have never been in one, and/or are too young to know anything about serious relationships.

People are all too quick to say "dump her" and "if its that much trouble, leave her".... I chuckle because I am sure these guys at home are either alone, or 20 years old and still chasing bar sluts.

6 years is a long time, and to throw that away in my eyes would require cheating. Nothing else could cause that relationship to be regarded as lost with out a fight. See a counselor. She want it to work, and I think you should too. When this can be overcome, you will find yourself closer then ever with this girl, and the little things will become trivial.More true advice.....I see us older (not old) memebers here believe the same things, yet when i was in my teens and 20s, id say screw it as well, i was a male HO at one point for a long while....
All relationships require work, yes love does come naturally, but let me say, there is times where it gets routine and times when a couple just needs to sit down and chat, make sure their goals and aspirations are in line....Make sure they both feel respected and admired by their counterparts...Just do a good old relationship check, and chat....

[daande]

Its like my ex and I we dated for 4 years. The first time we broke up I suggested we goto counseling because I didnt wanna throw 4 years away over a few small things. She didnt want to because shes didnt want to work at it. So 4 months later we got back together then after dating again for 4 months or so I told her off and I will never look back. Moral of the story put the effort in during round 1 so that way you know forsure or not if you want to be with her.

[natenator]

Its like my ex and I we dated for 4 years. The first time we broke up I suggested we goto counseling because I didnt wanna throw 4 years away over a few small things. She didnt want to because shes didnt want to work at it. So 4 months later we got back together then after dating again for 4 months or so I told her off and I will never look back. Moral of the story put the effort in during round 1 so that way you know forsure or not if you want to be with her.
I think your version of the story is a bit distorted but in general I agree with your message.

[daande]

I think your version of the story is a bit distorted but in general I agree with your message.

No its not. I have been dating a new girl for about 2 months now and I have never been treated this good. Even my sister and all my friends like this girl whereas with my ex my sister and a few of my friends hated her.

[natenator]

No its not. I have been dating a new girl for about 2 months now and I have never been treated this good. Even my sister and all my friends like this girl whereas with my ex my sister and a few of my friends hated her.
You told your ex off AFTER your repeated attempts to try and get back together with her and her telling you no. She wanted friends, you wanted more and then after a bit of back and forth you told her off.

[daande]

You told your ex off AFTER your repeated attempts to try and get back together with her and her telling you no. She wanted friends, you wanted more and then after a bit of back and forth you told her off.

No nate she didnt want to be friends. She was ****ing with me she would say she wanted to be friends then the next day wanna go on a date and try to **** me and shit. The girl doesnt know what she wants, hence why she quit a 50k a year job that was a 10 minute drive away from her house for a 32k a year job that is a 45 minute drive away from her house. When I made those posts I was all ****ed up because the girl I did love was ****ing with me so much. I couldn't see it at the time because I loved her so much and I was a retard.

EDIT: One week she would be talking to me about getting a mortgage with me and moving in together and the next week she would want to be friends so eventually I told her off.

[natenator]

No nate she didnt want to be friends. She was ****ing with me she would say she wanted to be friends then the next day wanna go on a date and try to **** me and shit. The girl doesnt know what she wants, hence why she quit a 50k a year job that was a 10 minute drive away from her house for a 32k a year job that is a 45 minute drive away from her house. When I made those posts I was all ****ed up because the girl I did love was ****ing with me so much. I couldn't see it at the time because I loved her so much and I was a retard.

EDIT: One week she would be talking to me about getting a mortgage with me and moving in together and the next week she would want to be friends so eventually I told her off.
ahh ok cool! Details we were unaware of ;)

then good for you for telling her off!

[Big D]

I really appreciated the help guys, i'm a little busy at work so i;ll have to get back to you guys after supper.

thanks again :)

[JacktheThriller]

You should go see a psychologist. he can help you to being proactive and help you and her understand each others POV and figure out why you arent "in love"s anymore and that can help reveal if you two should stay together or not. Its money well spent giving you absolute closure if nothing else. GL bro

[gregdoucette]

trust me its over, go to couples councelling and that way ul be even more sure its over.

[waderow]

trust me its over, go to couples councelling and that way ul be even more sure its over.

how so? please elaborate. trust me doesnt cut it

[Delt King]

There are reasons to try and make things work but unless you're married or have kids, own a house or business together. i don't see the point if you're only dating.

[natenator]

There are reasons to try and make things work but unless you're married or have kids, own a house or business together. i don't see the point if you're only dating.
Are you happily married? Love your wife and kids? Couldn't imagine them not being in your life? Well imagine if you and your wife had some rocky times before you were married and you decided to call it quits just because you were 'dating'.

[Big D]

I took nates and wades advice, we'll try and work things out.
i'm gonna try to tell her how i feel and not hold things in so much .

[Big D]

dude. you and me need to hit the STRIP CLUB. lets GOOOOOOOO!! it will be a blast :)

lol if i'm ever down in london, i'll keep that in mind

[j-dub]

i think you already know the answer to this, you initiated the break. it is tough when you love someone, but can't stand to be around them any longer. it happens, this is called life. take the positive's from this relationship and learn from mistakes that have possibly been made. carry these lessons with you for a future relationship, that will happen when you decide.
people always cross paths in life with other people, some of these crossings last briefly, some last years, these are the lessons learned.
letting go is not always easy, but it is what has to be done for you to continue on your journey.
good luck, and take comfort knowing you ain't the only ship to sail this course.

[Devolishangel]

I personaly think people never spend all the time together their whole life with feeling extremely in love...