instead of living in silent i seek knowledge , philosophy , i had to built myself on my own , really young i was attract to culture of extreme and subversive art , i grow up toward self education , quit school real young, could not be submissive to a system, rebellion was in blood , soul , carved , i could not follow any existential pattern , always looking for paradox n ethic contradiction,, be normal was an insult,,, why ? because i am shy, being shy was my personal challenge, th pathway to follow, i was fighting against crude raw honesty to strip naked my personality by masochism perhaps but also to truly discover who i was a enigma , unpredictable core... i did not wanted to change everyone life' but few by bringing out breaking concepts toward life in general by th ppls who could see further then th image , th hulk eccentric image , th clown i play of is own distorted race , to th curious one' i open myself to make sure they wont forget who i am, like leaving a trace , a thought, good or bad , doesnt matters, like a anti-hero
i might be a douche bber but i went deep digging all my life in books , study , art , modern architecture , deconstructivism philosophy and beyond
A bodybuilder on philosophical quest n oddysee ,, a bber on a ordeal of live structureless , timeless , beside meal n gym , nothing was plan, many will fail in those term , for me it was essential i had th sponsorship to follow
gym start because i was insecure n small , i came a men at 33 years old,, now more muscular then ever, it's did not make me more masculine ,,, i felt like a men upon time , natural proceed of life
since health awareness, i know im heading to retire from competing i give myself two years , for my band too , i scream death metal , it's crazy demanding , young screaming was a tool of attention, now , screaming on stage at 265 impress th young metal boys and it' fun but i see th end of it,, after national , next step is ; family ,,, why ? i live evry extreme , party hard lol seen all violent movies from around globe, listen to every possible extreme sound on earth , read from limitless no boundaries poets n philosophers, try everything sexually , experiences , emancipation, i had to be unique from evry angle possible, laugh about my failure and be proud of my weakness, i came a nattie and rebuilt my health and start once again steroid with maturity now today at 265 in healthier frame n mind, competing in past was joy n pain , joy was overall , then place first , the bad was fecal compaction i shit til my blood vessel burst , x wife left me alone in hotel i was alone , sick , depress , panic attack , anxiety disorder in this highlight of suffering i was awaken , i had to live that struggle, a massive wake up call , like real hardcore bbing douche i did manage how to come condition and not sick th year after, of course HGH did help
in love with my girl , im totally normal , she' the only one who aware of my normality and she' th only girl i talk with , none exist , one women is enough **** th rest , she actually my only social life per say , she doesnt work and we hang out in our bubble cut of th universe
do i respect none bbers? if your a artist that no one understand, a freak of any nature ,, yes,,, if you can influence me , open my eyes , i might be ****ing crazy but never once i had a dumb conversation , life is short i had to take to maximum to it , like an utopia , like a dogmatic point
could not bring strength n impress with size i could not let go th bbing life without any recognition from that micro rebel anti sub culture of hardcore steroid users, i dont seek famous
this is why blp came alive on forum
thk u
this is why my Q&A , for newbies n begginers , to not do my mystake
thks to musulphreak to be kind and sean summers too
great site
and plz judge panel dont read my column lol
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Originally Posted by mrOxy
