So i found out last week that I may have permanent nerve damage to my long thoracic nerve. If it isn't completely severed then it's at least badly damaged. I have no right lat at all , it's gone. Had an EMG last week and there is zero action in the lat when stimulated. The serratus anterior is not firing and subsequently I have a winged right scapula. I can barely raise my arm above my head but I have not experienced any pain, which is fairly common. Because I am rehabing my left elbow/tricep I don't know how weak my right side is. Typically there should be weakness in the affected side but when I was doing bent rows the other day I was just as strong on both sides with 225lbs. Felt a little off as I couldn't get a pump but strong enough to move the bar. I have a feeling all my pushing moves will go by the wayside-perhaps forever. Prior to this happening I was in the best shape of my life !The literature is not making me very optimistic about recovering from this. If the nerve is still somewhat intact it can heal at a rate of one inch a month. Or I'm totally ****ed. Legs are still gtg and perhaps I can do some arms work at some point. Add to this that I am going through a divorce and rarely see my 18 month old.
I've been having suicidal thoughts for months now so my doctor put me on an anti anxiety and an antidepressant. The gym has always been the one thing in my life that has kept me going through the tough times - and I've had a gun in my mouth before. I'd never do that to my son but it's a miserable ****ing time.
I am pretty sure that the injury occurred from my wife walking on the back. I was too lazy to go to the chiro and thought she could pop my upper back . She is about 170lbs and was grinding the balls of her feet into my shoulder blades. Then I got a deep tissue massage a few days later and apparently if its aggressive enough you can damage the LTN. This nerve is susceptible to injury because of it's length and location. There probably isn't any point in rehab because there is no rehab for this degree of nerve damage except rest. I ain't good at that but I won't be doing any compression exercises for a long long time. I am not a spiritual dude but I am looking for a ****ing miracle. I've done a lot of shitty things in my life and I wonder if I simply had it coming to me. Might have to take up biking or swimming instead.
Life sucks but I have a beautiful little boy. It could be much worse.

End of rant.