kids

My wife kinda jumped me with the big "we should have kids this year" idea. I am all for it but really, I am not all for it. The more I think about it, the more I don't know how much I really want to spend 20 years raising children and further, not sure if I am ready. We just bought a house, we have been married 2 years but I am also only 2 years into my career and starting my masters, I don't know how to budget my time into all of those things. I suppose it doesn't help that I've just come off cycle and sex isnt exactly the first thing on my mind, let alone sex with a purpose.

I am not sure what signs would say "hey you are ready now" though. Always one more thing to buy or fix or become.

anyone been faced with this or are all the kiddos around here "accidents"?

get a vasectomy, and dont tell her ?

I probably will never have kids, but i've never met anyone that says they regret having kids. they always say its the best thing that happen to them.

kids are great, end of story, you will love it.

no kids for me ever. im way too selfish.

kids are fun. for about 15 minutes. then you give them back and move on.

My two were unplanned and trust me we were not ready to have them . Just married , no house , just out of College and working in an unstable steal mill ( back in Ontario ) , but it all worked out . Almost 9 years later and we both have decent jobs ( she has a home biz ) and lots of debt , lol and that's not because of the kids.

If we would have planned for it , we def would have waited until we had some money in the bank and a house to bring them home too , but then again the more comfortable you get in your lifestyle the harder it will / would become to change it.

All in all it's something that the TWO of you have to sit down and def talk about .

BTW - they are great to have around , it's neat to see them grow up and develop their own personalities.

"BTW - they are great to have around , it's neat to see them grow up and develop their own personalities."

^^ dogs and cats do that too.

LOL , yeah but hopefully you will out live your dog / cat and not your kids.

If you wait till the right time to have children you definitely won't have them.

I am so happy that I am not a parent.

You should talk trough how you 2 want to raise those children, education, principles that are important to you, how to discipline, what will be given what they have to get on their own, what you will do when you have a 2 year old trying to manipulate you, children may be terrific or terrible and I have seen relationships pretty much going to hell because a parent was a total giver and couldn't put a child in his place leaving the whole load to the other parent.

Most guys I talk to at work say they love their kids (obviously) but if they had to do it again they would be selffish and not have them.

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Originally Posted by tiramisu

If you wait till the right time to have children you definitely won't have them.

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you beat me to it. No one is ever ready to have kids, and it is impossible to understand being a parent until you are one. Even if you have tuns of experience with nieces nephews, or even if you are a full time day care provider - being a parent is totally different.

If your wife is able to bear a lot of the load while your working and working towards your Master's then why not. if not wait till your done school, i've got 3 kid's 2 were not planned had them when i was young, my 3rd we planned he's a blast. We have 2 boy's and 1 girl, 14,12 and almost 3.. Girl is the oldest and a great babysitter :)

I never gave a shit about other peoples kids, they did nothing but annoy me. I could stand them for all of an hour then I wanted to kill them.

I had my own kid last year and it changed me. As soon as you look at your own kid and hold them, all your selfish notions go out the window and all you care about is this little piece of you. As long as you're in a loving relationship and you can raise them in a safe, loving home, you will love having kids.

Be a man, have kids. IMO guys that refuse to have kids and are too selfish arent real men, they're boys. Real men have kids and man up, they love and take care of their families and its a great job.

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Originally Posted by CanadianIron

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Be a man, have kids. IMO guys that refuse to have kids and are too selfish arent real men, they're boys. Real men have kids and man up, they love and take care of their families and its a great job.

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LOL.. how in your eyes does having kids define if a guy is a boy or a man.. lol

I don't have kids.. and don't plan on having any for another 10 years or so...

Having that said, I got my ex pregnant.. she lost it due to medical reasons ..
( which I am almost happy about cus she was a major bitch..)but the moment she was pregnant .. holy shit, all those feelings came up in me, I was excited .!

Its unexplainable.. but I know now that you become ready.. the moment someone you love is pregnant. Its just overwhelming.. really weird.

You'll figure it out if you have to.. there is a reason why you have 9 months to get ready.

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Originally Posted by monkey

LOL.. how in your eyes does having kids define if a guy is a boy or a man.. lol

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Well, its called procreation. When a male human reaches maturity, he has babies. This is how heterosexual species work. Guys that are too insecure/selfish to commit to having kids aren't matured men yet, they may never be.

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Originally Posted by CanadianIron

Well, its called procreation. When a male human reaches maturity, he has babies. This is how heterosexual species work. Guys that are too insecure/selfish to commit to having kids aren't matured men yet, they may never be.

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That's akin to saying women who don't want children really aren't women.

Some people - man or woman - simply aren't meant to be parents. We see examples of this on a daily basis on the news.

You really do hold some rather ignorant views.

when you have a child your life changes entirely, for the better, u dont need to know what to do u just need to love him/her, u will learn what to do, they are a blessing, they bring the best out of parents and it is a very special bond that is between the two of you. I agree with canadianiron, having a baby turns you into a man because u r responsible for that babys wellbeing, those that have a child and dont man up to being a dad are just little boys.

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Originally Posted by CanadianIron

Well, its called procreation. When a male human reaches maturity, he has babies. This is how heterosexual species work. Guys that are too insecure/selfish to commit to having kids aren't matured men yet, they may never be.

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So I am 38 married for 10+yrs no kids and we don't plan on having any. So even though I went to college, hold down full time employment and do volunteer work, I am still not a man good to know. Here I thought I was a responsible respected member of my community.

My girlfriend and I will never have kids. As Nate said, this doesn't make us lesser functioning people. My girlfriend is all woman and I am all man. We don't need spawn to identify us as such.


When you think about it, all animals make babies as an instinctual response to threats against species. As Humans are really our only threat against ourselves and we're killing ourselves through overpopulation, I'd argue that being a real man happens when you buck instinct in favor of making a logical and intelligent decision to NOT have offspring.

Being a slave to your instinct makes you nothing more than a stupid animal with a big brain and opposable thumbs, not a man.

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Originally Posted by natenator

That's akin to saying women who don't want children really aren't women.

Some people - man or woman - simply aren't meant to be parents. We see examples of this on a daily basis on the news.

You really do hold some rather ignorant views.

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I agree.

What about the ppl out there who CANT have babys because of medical reasons or birth defects and what ever???

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Originally Posted by CanadianIron

Well, its called procreation. When a male human reaches maturity, he has babies. This is how heterosexual species work. Guys that are too insecure/selfish to commit to having kids aren't matured men yet, they may never be.

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Chances are.. it's just a choice of life.
Open up buddy.. nothing wrong with your views.. just keep in mind everybody is different and your views don't fit everybodies situation and character.

Im not really refering to the ability to being able to have kids. Im talkin about people who refuse to have kids because they dont want to sacrifice their own comfort. I suppose for some people, life is extremely difficult that to support themselves is full time work in itself.

I guess my point is that if you're a good person, you should pass it on and not leave it up to pregnant teens to keep our population going, I see it as a responsibility to have kids and raise them responsibly. I think people that wave this responsibility are selfish and immature.

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Originally Posted by monkey

Chances are.. it's just a choice of life.
Open up buddy.. nothing wrong with your views.. just keep in mind everybody is different and your views don't fit everybodies situation and character.

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Im be an idealist here, obviously if you cant feed yourself you shouldnt have kids, I was talking to a guy the other day who was divorcing his wife because she wanted kids and he didnt. They had been married for almost 10 years and he didnt want to have to put up with kids. They both had good jobs and lots of money. IMO this is the definition of selfish, I simply dont understand how someone couldnt want to have kids, how could you not want something you havent even experienced?

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Originally Posted by CanadianIron

Im not really refering to the ability to being able to have kids. Im talkin about people who refuse to have kids because they dont want to sacrifice their own comfort. I suppose for some people, life is extremely difficult that to support themselves is full time work in itself.

I guess my point is that if you're a good person, you should pass it on and not leave it up to pregnant teens to keep our population going, I see it as a responsibility to have kids and raise them responsibly. I think people that wave this responsibility are selfish and immature.

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Or realize they are not cut out to be parents in the first place. Some people just know they would not make good parents and for that reason decide having kids is not for them.

I dont relate to these people. I dont really think anyone on this site should either. As body builders we take on big tasks and we understand commitment and effort, we shouldnt settle for mediocrity or substandard living. You have to try and be a good parent, it requires effort.

If you can research workout programs, supplimentation, AAS etc you can handle a small child.

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Originally Posted by CanadianIron

I dont relate to these people. I dont really think anyone on this site should either. As body builders we take on big tasks and we understand commitment and effort, we shouldnt settle for mediocrity or substandard living. You have to try and be a good parent, it requires effort.

If you can research workout programs, supplimentation, AAS etc you can handle a small child.

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You are a kid yourself. What do you know about living in the real world with real problems?

I grew up in a not so happy household and while I want kids I struggle with it for fear that I will be like my mother was.

Fear of what you will become because of how you were raised is very real and needs to be carefully considered. What I believe to be right and what I have been conditioned to be like are 2 different things.

[QUOTE=CanadianIron;337844]Im be an idealist here, obviously if you cant feed yourself you shouldnt have kids, I was talking to a guy the other day who was divorcing his wife because she wanted kids and he didnt.


You have any right to your opinion.. but I certainly don't have to agree with you.

To me, life has tons to offer.. travel, career, cultures, self fulfillment, education, meeting people and sculpting a person I want to be.

Kids are currently not in that pictures cuz I have goals and do not want to set for a mediocre life with a kid and a wify holding me back from FIRST achieving what I want...
DO I want kids? Perhaps when I am 40 or so ... but I don't believe that it refers to whether or not I am a man, lol. It means that I have different priorities, goals and aspirations then you do.

Do you want your genetics to be passed on or not?

I can't wait to have kids. Just got to find the right woman i guess....lol

Im a romantic in all honesty. I want to be in love with an amazing woman and tell her how much i love here everyday, i want my cuddles and i def want kids of my own.

I guess im a family man and even though 90% of my life has been total hell i have a lot of love to give.

Sometimes people who never want kids end up being awesome parents and sometimes people who want children never get the chance:(

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Originally Posted by cch

I've been through hell and back and "conditioning" is bullshit. You are want you decide to be! Not your parents, you're uncle, your community, who ever! It's on you, always has been, always will be. You either see and learn what to do, or what not to do, and take it into practice. It's that simple. No one forgets... I sure don't. I can remember everything from my past in vivid detail and recall the emotions I had as a child in different experiences. Recall those thoughts.. you felt like shit because your dad did X. And then don't do them! Do the opposite. You are you! end of story.

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^^^ Well said. Anyone with half a brain should realize this. Saying your conditioned to be a certain way is nothing but a copout.

Which is why if I do have kids, I will never EVER treat them the way my old man treated me.

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Originally Posted by Thorgrim

Do you want your genetics to be passed on or not?

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Can\t say that I personally care too much at this point...Not that it isn't something I'd like, just simply not something on my priority list right now.
Perhaps later and if i meet the right women, who knows...

( I used to think differently about that. My ex had a kid, so i have experience with the full time commitment a kid brings. My ex was pregnant, so I have had my fair portion of thinking related to that. The bottom line is simply its my choice.)

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Originally Posted by natenator

You are a kid yourself. What do you know about living in the real world with real problems?

I grew up in a not so happy household and while I want kids I struggle with it for fear that I will be like my mother was.

Fear of what you will become because of how you were raised is very real and needs to be carefully considered. What I believe to be right and what I have been conditioned to be like are 2 different things.

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You dont know me *black chick head swinging*... but seriously, you don't. What wouldnt I know about living in the real world? Im existing in the real world every day, I earn money to support 3 people, pay all the bills, yada yada yada, there isnt much more to life. Its not my fault I do shit right and take care of myself, life is a lot easier when you fly straight and live honestly, I dont need to **** up my life to educate myself. No ones parents are perfect, my dads an idiot and I know it and I have no intention of raising my kids like he did, im very conscious of the changes Im making for the way I raise my kids and Im doing it.

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Originally Posted by cch

I've been through hell and back and "conditioning" is bullshit. You are want you decide to be! Not your parents, you're uncle, your community, who ever! It's on you, always has been, always will be. You either see and learn what to do, or what not to do, and take it into practice. It's that simple. No one forgets... I sure don't. I can remember everything from my past in vivid detail and recall the emotions I had as a child in different experiences. Recall those thoughts.. you felt like shit because your dad did X. And then don't do them! Do the opposite. You are you! end of story.


After I get into a comfortable position in life, I can't wait to have a family. For what little it would do.. I think I'd ball if the doc told me I couldn't have kids. But, if that were to arise... I'd adopt!

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I can see where your coming from, and you are proof that anyone with the right attitude can overcome almost anything.
But at the same time, theres no doubt that some people don't..... Almost every messed up kid I've ever seen came from a messed up Family.

I don't have any kids yet..... I would like to get a bit ahead before I get into that.
Everybody I know that has kids, even unplanned, say they would not change a thing.

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Originally Posted by cch

I've been through hell and back and "conditioning" is bullshit. You are want you decide to be! Not your parents, you're uncle, your community, who ever! It's on you, always has been, always will be. You either see and learn what to do, or what not to do, and take it into practice. It's that simple. No one forgets... I sure don't. I can remember everything from my past in vivid detail and recall the emotions I had as a child in different experiences. Recall those thoughts.. you felt like shit because your dad did X. And then don't do them! Do the opposite. You are you! end of story.


After I get into a comfortable position in life, I can't wait to have a family. For what little it would do.. I think I'd ball if the doc told me I couldn't have kids. But, if that were to arise... I'd adopt!

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It's not a cop out. It's called being aware of your tendencies. I know many who grew up being beaten and while they would like kids someday they are concerned that the temper of their parents have manifested in themselves and they'd end up doing the same to their kids.

At times I do to others some of the same things that was done to me by my mom. I know better and I do my best to prevent such things but sometimes I just don't and it comes out. I fear doing these things to my children so it's not a cop out and I stand by my statement that how we were conditioned to be as kids is a real concern and having kids should be carefully considered.

hmmm....Ive got kids and its awesome!

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Originally Posted by tex

hmmm....Ive got kids and its awesome!

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Everyone should have kids when their ready.. obviously not everyone can, but i'm telling you they change you.
I look at my 2 oldest everyday and i'm happy so far neither one was like i was/am, now my youngest worries me :)

I love kids, definately want some of my own someday :)

maybe my wife was drunk but she hasen't brought it up again. I tried to start another dialogue with her, talked about EI and how it works after I looked it up. She wasen't into it.


maybe it was just a phase, maybe she will just get off the pill and not tell me. I love her.

[QUOTE=vakker;338936]maybe my wife was drunk but she hasen't brought it up again. I tried to start another dialogue with her, talked about EI and how it works after I looked it up. She wasen't into it.(QUOTE>




Perhaps she brought it up cuz she was drunk... but I doubt that she is not thinking bout it..

WHen the time starts with women wanting kids ( either time is running out, friends start popping them out or she just saw a cute kid in the mall.. )

YOU BETTER give it to her or be ready to deal with consequences..

KIDS AND WOMEN>> some women can really turn into psycos and suddenly nothing matters ( dont know your women tho)