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Her Lucky Ass Likes it Fast and Hard! Just A Few More Ways Fitness Star Renee Major Danjor Berard Gets Sweaty
Competitor Name: Renee Berard. Although I would love to use my facebook moniker “Renee Major Danjor Berard”. UFC fighters have cool nicknames. I think fitness girls should have them too. In fact maybe that would even help further market fitness.
CBB Handle: Miss Silly
Age: 32
Height: 5’6”
Competition History:
2004 Western Canadians, Fitness Tall, 2nd place
2004 BCABBA Provincials, Fitness Tall, 1st place
2005 CBBF Nationals, Fitness tall, 3rd place
2006 CBBF Nationals, Fitness tall, 8th place
2006 BCABBA Provincials, Fitness Tall, 1st place
2007 CBBF Nationals, Fitness tall, 4th Place
2008 CBBF Nationals, Fitness tall, 2nd place
2010 CBBF Nationals, Fitness tall, 1st place
Occupation: Initech (Accounting department)
Hometown: Mission, BC
Currently Residing: Mission, BC. There are a lot of advantages to living in a smaller town. For instance, there is free parking everywhere. The bad news is that it’s a small town, and with only one gym people start to recognize each other. I’ve been totally busted at the grocery store with cookies in my shopping basket.
Offseason weight: Well, the highest it’s been was 192lbs. That was after dealing with my divorce and taking a bit of time to get myself sorted out. It’s not a good feeling. I didn’t even want to tell people I was a competitor because I looked so drastically out of shape. It was a long hard road to get that bodyfat off. So my coach and I are working hard to maintain off season weight around 155 lbs. But I’ll be honest---given my passion for food---it’s hard. Almost every day I fight battles with myself.
Competition weight: It’s been a little different every year, but averaging around the 134 lbs mark.
Have you always been an active person (did you do dance or sports as a youth) ?
Yes but not in a traditional sense. When my sister and I were growing up, my parents worked really hard to make ends meet. We grew up in a mobile home that was on the corner of a gravel pit. (Yup. Original trailer trash) Funds were tight, we didn’t have fancy toys and my parents didn’t have money to enroll us in dance or sports. We spent a lot of time running around and playing outside, and dodging gravel trucks. My mom held a few random jobs, one of those was working at a stables. Horsemanship had always been a part of her life, even when she was young, so it was natural for her and thus organically influenced me. By the time my father’s construction company started to provide for the family more comfortably, I was in my early teens. Previously I used to ride different horses where my mom had worked, but at this point we finally had our own horses. So if there was any sport that I could officially say I was in, it would be equestrian sports. Martial arts and dance came later as an adult.
Do you have any hobbies asides from fitness?
Yes. It’s a bit of a problem actually, and I have to be careful at times that I don’t burn myself out, as I have a tendency to do. I am just interested in too many things (which is also a fancy way of saying I have attention deficit disorder). When I start getting close to a show I have to put most things on hold in lieu of sleep and recovery. But if there were more hours in the day, you can bet I’d cram in more random things to do.
Horse stuff aside, I love to dance. Primarily hip hop, PCD style hip hop, and Latin/Ballroom. I have a particular affinity for the Latin/rhythmic dancing which I do a lot of, especially because these performances generally involve all things I love: music, dance, fringe, fake eyelashes, decadent amounts of glitter and if I’m lucky, even some marabou feather. (On a side note, I’m certain I was a drag queen in my former life.)
And finally, through a series of random chain events, my newest hobby is something that had I been asked a couple years ago, is something I never would have possibly imagined: I race cars. Road race, which means I not only turn left, but right as well. I like to call it a high-speed chess game. It’s very technical and strategic. I absolutely love it. I do this hobby with my dad----aka my sponsor--- so I always try to make sure I’m a few tenths of a second slower than him. I pushed really hard for our team name to be “Skid Marks” but there was no way he would go for it. Generally, when I tell people about this hobby they seem to get excited until they ask what kind of car I drive. Ferrari? Porsche? Nope. Ford Escort. Usually their excitement deflates to a look of pure confusion. I know. As a Mopar girl, it hurts me too. But it’s redeeming quality is that I never feel bad when I hit things or other cars. We also have a Honda CRX so we run in the same classes. My dad loves to tell this story how I set him up to purposely get him black flagged but I SWEAR it was an accident. I was going for the shake-and-bake but whatever. Anyway my little ford (dubbed the Silver Bullet---no sex toy reference intended) is a lot of fun to run in the stock car classes which only allow for minimal modifications. I even did some of the mods myself; it’s even faster now with the Decepticon sticker on the back.
What made you get into fitness competition?
I have always been fascinated with muscular women. They embody a certain feminine fierceness that I wanted to be a part of. My earliest memory of this impression came from Cheetara on Thundercats. I wanted to be Cheetara. She was so badass! She was not only beautiful (hey, I was a kid!) but super athletic and muscular. I had this long stick I chopped off a small maple tree that I used as a longstaff, and I would run up and down the driveway combating and vaulting myself over imaginary mutants sent by Mummra. I think this solidifies the fact that I was one of the dorkiest kids ever. Later it was Xena, and Marvel Comics.
When I was about 18 my sister brought me in to the gym. Likely as a guinea pig to her early kinesiology studies that eventually led to her current post doctorate at Columbia in neurology (I have to brag about her—she’s always been the brains of the operation and I the brawn). I really liked training and being strong. Not long after, I started to see muscle magazines that came out and were directed towards women. I saw pictures of Monica Brant and Mia Finnegan and wanted to do that too. I had no idea where or how to start as it was much less mainstream ten years ago. Then I found a local show that went to watch, and when I saw the fitness girls, I knew I wanted to be one of them. At least just once!
How has the sport impacted your life?
It’s hard to answer this question in a nutshell. This sport really challenges you in ways you never imagined. Ways far beyond how to train or what to eat. It teaches you discipline and focus, how to push out of your comfort zone. How to strive to improve. How to challenge yourself to continue when you want to quit or cut corners. You find your limits and then you try and push them just one more inch. It is definitely an extreme sport. You can’t just leave your training at the gym. You’re “in training” day in and day out, on season and off season, because this sport encompasses every event that happens to your body (both good and bad ones). It’s hard to balance “normal” life with the requirements of what it takes to be a competitive athlete. I really had to learn new ways to be social and be a part of events when most of them revolve around food. I had to learn how to say no to extra commitments because I knew I was maxed out. This sport really lets you know whether or not you are really master of your emotions. You learn the true meaning of patience---both with yourself and with other people. Your limited energy reserve is valuable and you quickly learn what’s worth spending it on and what isn’t.
Who do you look up to in the industry and who has helped you along the way?
Well I’m going to start off with my coach Eric Broser. He is a genius. Sometimes an evil genius (read: lunges and step ups are my nemesis). He is truly an expert at designing varied programs to create a very balanced physique with beautiful flow. My workouts always change which also makes it mentally exciting. And beyond the mechanics of training, he has had an enormous impact on my development mentally as an athlete which is just as important as the physique. He is amazing to work with.
Also, two of my all time favourite people in the industry and that I’ve had both the honour and pleasure to work with are Jen Hendershott and Tanji Johnson. I have huge amounts of admiration and respect for them. I can’t imagine anyone not loving these two amazing women! They are genuine, positive, and just as beautiful on the inside as the outside. They continue to inspire me to not only be a better athlete but a better person.
And last (but not least!) my older sister. So much of who I am today is because either she inspired me or [when we were younger] I wanted to be the opposite of her. In age, we are only 18 months apart. There were times in our youth we fought like cats and dogs. Every time my mom would tell us that one day we would grow up to be best friends, neither one of us believed this would ever happen. But sure enough, mom was right. We live on opposite ends of the country but without any hesitancy, hands down she is my number one fan. Somehow she always knows just what to say when I’m struggling, or gets excited to talk about music choices, routine ideas, how I will do my hair (my hair issues is a bit of a inside joke between us) cheat food…. And with her science background I have learned just as much about competing from her as I have from people within the industry. And if anyone reading this has attended CBBF Fit/fig nationals, she is the one that screams ridiculously loud when I come out on stage. In fact she’s so awesome at cheering I pimp her out to my other competitor friends.
Favorite foods for dieting?
Probably anything that provides fat in the diet, because I’m so darn hungry. And oatmeal. So really, anything carbs & fat that I can eat, I automatically love. For protein, grilled chicken is my favourite because I can eat it hot or cold. I try and eat more fish the closer to the show I get. But eating cold tilapia is the nastiest shit ever. I’ll only eat it if I’m near a microwave. Luckily at work there is one---one that is not haunted. And it smells awesome after when others go to use it. People always thank me for that.
For cheating?
I could easily write for days on the foods I love to eat. If I had a superpower, it would be eating. No joke. Do you know that tv show “Man vs Food”? Well if they ever would require a female host, I’m all in. There has been times I’ve unleashed my superpowers at a Chinese food buffet and out ate all the males. I’d give that little Japanese hot dog dude a run for his money. It’s almost embarrassing. So cheating is dangerous territory for me. Being slightly obsessive compulsive is a double-edged sword when dieting and can either go really well or horribly wrong. So on-season we did a carb up day with clean carbs. It was easier from a psychological standpoint. But if I had to narrow it down to some all-time favourite items [peanut butter aside] would be beignets, Chinese sesame seed balls, pancakes, and nachos. And burgers. And fries. Anything deep fried actually. Ideally, the badder, the better.
Are there any sports supplements that you cannot live without?
Can a book count? Honestly, I think the psychological aspect of competing is hugely overlooked. We talk so much about diet and training, and yes to some degree, mental focus. But it should be more at the forefront. After all, everything we do originates from our minds. Every year while prepping I read In Pursuit of Excellence by Terry Orlick and I recommend it to everyone!
Are you sponsored by a company? If so, who?
I don’t have any specific sponsor that I am affiliated with but there are certainly a few who give me a bit of extra help, like my parents---I frequently do my grocery shopping in their refrigerator/pantry. Also, Fitness Etc. has been ever so generous with always sending goodies my way as well. Every little bit helps.
What is a typical day for you when prepping for a show?
Well in all honesty it’s pretty darn boring. It took me a couple years to realize that I need to prioritize sleep as much as diet and training otherwise I end up with too many injuries from lack of recovery/rest. The last show I did I had to do the most on-season cardio I ever had in my life. I had a lot of weight to get off (I blame a part of this from going through a divorce and while I managed to still train most of the time, my eating was a disaster) and my body is just plain stubborn. There are also issues for most fitness girls about finding available studio time to practice routine without interruption. For me, this year, it was at 5:30am. So I was up by 4:30am for cardio, then a bit of routine practice. I’d head to work for 7:30-4:30pm with (when my boss wasn’t around) noon-time cardio. After work weights and more cardio. Then bed. Weekends I had to catch up on laundry and cooking the upcoming week’s food, which saves SO much time during the week. I’ve been on the market for some house-elves but I’m from a pure muggle family and so while I didn’t inherit any, they are ridiculously expensive on the black market (although it would help tremendously).
My workouts change every workout session although the bodypart split is usually the same for a while. Usually that’s 4 days a week. Legs are twice a week…which I hate, as they are my least favourite to train. There are days I lift super heavy with low reps, and times I super set lighter weights with higher reps. I don’t weight train chest anymore, which actually was my favourite bodypart to train.. and probably why I injured it in the first place [by showing off] and have had chronic issues ever since. I save my pecs for when I do either routine or more plyometric style cardio drills that involve a lot of full body movement. Cardio gets increased as necessary---but it always ends with LOTS.
My social life takes a serious nose dive and I am so fortunate to have a couple of very close friends who also compete so they really understand or we even do cardio together.
What do you find the most difficult part of fitness for you?
Well easily the diet is most difficult. Surprised? :-P I love food and the social (and cultural) aspects that comes with it. I’m extremely adventurous when it comes to eating and it’s hard at times for me to focus on the positive aspects of eating clean rather than the feeling that I am missing out on experiencing new foods, especially ethnic/adventurous foods, or even old favourites. Socially, it feels like being the only sober person at Oktoberfest. I think most competitors feel that way when they are deep into the diet and start to have food porn dreams. There comes a point in the diet where if you see a Dairy Queen or Red Lobster commercial, you have to turn away or risk buckling at the knees. Also, the diet is also designed to lean you out, not necessarily enhance athletic performance. Energy becomes an issue. So does napping at work. For some reason they frown upon that kind of behaviour.
What keeps you wanting to compete in this sport?
I usually tell people that I won’t quit until I can actually see 6 square (or rectangles--not quite sure yet what I have) blocks of abdominal muscles….. the type of abs that will make me want to wash my own panties on. I come from a long lineage of apple-shaped women (I wonder if round shape is an Irish thing?) so my midsection is something that has yet to come in super tight. Although this is not the only reason. I think our sport lends itself very well to people who are slightly crazy, thrive in extreme conditions and/or have obsessive compulsive issues. Plus having “diet brain” gives me a great carte-blanche for all sorts of stupid behaviour and daft comments.
But what’s even more amazing about this sport is the fans. Every drip of sweat pays off when you hear a complete stranger tell you that you’ve inspired them in some way, or that they enjoyed your performance. To me, winning the audience’s hearts is worth more than any trophy. Awe.
I have read that you do not have a gymnastics background - what other influences of sport have helped you improve your routines through the years and how much additional time has been needed to get you at a competitive level with some of the gals who have that background?
I have a martial arts background and an informal dance background as well. I got into a bit of breakdancing, thinking that since I was hopeless with adult gymnastic drop in classes, maybe breakdance was more my thing….not realizing that breakdancers are upside-down just as much as gymnasts. Breakdance is effen hard! And I found out why they call it break dance. It’s because you break shit. Not only the lamps in your living room but your own body parts. Although I certainly don’t want to discourage anyone from trying. I just have a much deeper appreciation for this art form now. I feel that I really need to upgrade my skills and try to learn one super-flashy move. My strength is power and explosive movement so I’m going to stick along those lines. I’ll never have a backflip as nice as someone who’s been doing it since they were 8 years old. Not to say that we should put limitations on our abilities, but there are only so many hours in a day and so much wear and tear the body can take. It makes more sense to develop the skills that I’m a bit more naturally inclined to do.
I will say this though, I think what really helps my routines is the experience I have had as a performer from being a musician most of my life. I know how to get in the zone, psych myself up or calm myself down, channel nervous energy, recover from a mistake during performance, prepare for performance, practice & visualization techniques. Most of those are aspects people forget about training but they are just as important. Performing confidently can transfer well from one thing to another….so if someone has a background in dance or even public speaking, it will help with your fitness. And if you don’t have experience, you get it by practice so drag in other people to watch some of your practice runs.
Do you have any tips or advice to give to women who are thinking of trying out the sport?
The infamous Nike ad got it right: Just do it! A lot of people feel like they can’t do in until [insert random reason here] but I believe on just diving in. Even the greatest martial artists started at white belt (except for Chuck Norris). The first show really is the most exciting and magical one and the entire ride is one heck of an experience. It should be your journey, about you pushing yourself to your own limits. You will learn so much stuff about yourself that you may not ever discover otherwise, and sometimes you can really surprise yourself. The first show is just about doing it and getting there (‘there’ bringing your personal best to the stage under whatever circumstances you are working with). Forget about winning and trophies…throw all that out the window. Focus being the best you can be. Shit. Did I just plagiarize the army slogan?
My second piece of advice is to do your research when it comes to selecting a coach. Like any profession, there are good ones and bad ones. A first timer may not know the difference, so ask around. Talk to athletes, ask who they train with and what they like about their programs. It’s important to find the right match for you.
Thirdly, you get a lot more support from friends, family, coworkers and the community if you are a happy dieter. I had to learn this one the hard way and I have a few regrets about it. This is an extreme sport and at times you won’t even realize when you’re patience is extra short and you lack so much brain glycogen that your social filters have completely dissolved. If you’re always complaining, unhappy, and being mean to people because of dieting and exhaustion, people aren’t going to support you. You need these people! This is your team. It makes a world of difference in so many ways. I would never have gotten this far without the immeasurable moral and emotional support and encouragement from all these people.
And I have a bit of advice for those who don’t compete but attend shows: make LOTS of noise for the athletes on stage. Trust me, this helps more than you can possibly know. We are grateful for it too. Actually----on a total aside---- I have more than once toyed with the idea of writing a handbook or a manual for people who don’t compete but who are in a close relationship with a competitor, or even married to one. It’s a completely crazy world that few people understand unless they have actually been through it first hand. And i wouldn’t expect them to, which is why I think people need to have some insight on how to deal with an athlete LOL. It would be kind of like Dr. Gray’s Mars/Venus books where you learn how to related to the opposite sex. Non-Competitors Are From Mars, Competitors Are From Planet Crazy. Maybe it would help me generate enough money to make one of my dreams come true: buy a Dyson.
How do you think on a provincial or national level they could boost the women's fitness division to get more athletes to get into the sport?
Good question! Fitness is a dying breed, especially with the development of Figure (and now Bikini). I see the IFBB just announced that 2/3 of the fitness score is on routine. I think this is great and I hope it trickles down through the tiers. The routine is hard and demanding. Why bust your butt on a routine when the score is often dominated by physique anyway? What’s the incentive to stick with fitness if that’s the case? Personally I support this change. Also I think that because at the CBBF 2010 Nationals the judges did reward a non-gymnastics routine, it gave a lot of women hope that gymnastics are not a prerequisite to a good fitness routine. I don’t mean to sound like I have a hate-on for the gymnastics girls (well maybe a little cause I’m really just jealous of their tricks LOL just kidding. Well. Sort of). What I think what makes a fitness routine good is energy, strength/flexibility, entertainment, engaging the audience and having a genuine charisma for being able to do what you do---be it a back flip or a pushup.
When will we next see you on stage?
My plan is CBBF nationals 2011. I have often toyed with the idea of competing at the Arnold because I think it would be a great experience, but the timing isn’t ideal for me. It’s always a toss up between staying competition shape and having a very very long season, or taking a off-season, enjoying the other hobbies that I have (and eating more LOL) and working on filling out some muscle. And every time I’ve leaned towards having the offseason. Plus it’s nice to let the joints and ligaments do a bit of recovery too. I also like it when my brain works which doesn’t happen on-season.
Do you have any particular goals you would like to share with CBB readers for the 2011 nationals?
Well, I won’t lie---- a CBBF procard would be awesome! For two reasons; One, (and I realize this sounds narcissistic but, let’s face it, I am!) is that I have always felt a little bit like a hero for the common man. Or woman I should say. I don’t have any super skill. I wasn’t born with amazing genes, I have to bust my butt like no one’s business to get lean. I don’t have any spectacular show-stopping routine skills. I have regular injuries. I don’t have a gorgeous pair of boobs. My hair is in a permanent state of disaster. I’ve made stupid mistakes (more than I care to admit) and sometimes I don’t even have a clue what I’m doing. I’m just an average, normal, every-day type of gal. I’m no different than most other women out there. So maybe someone can see me do this and say to themselves, “maybe I can do something like that too.”
And secondly, I have unfinished business with myself in terms of my own personal achievement and always getting “almost there” but never all the way. I want to finally go all the way, and I want to earn it. I’m not talking about procards and bronze mullet-ladies. The drive comes from the desire to finally align my physique with the way I see it in my imagination at it’s full potential, and I don’t want to stop until I get there (remember, panty-washing abs!).
If you could meet any celebrity, who would it be?
Stephen Hawking. I'm not entirely sure what we'd talk about. What can you say that's interesting to a theoretical physicist and philosopher who can explain black holes and gravitational singularity? My resolution is this: Jagerbombs and strippers. But all silliness aside, Stephen Hawking is not only one of the most brilliant minds in history, but his sheer resilience is astonishing. It is nothing short of amazing that in spite of now being completely paralyzed with the exception of a small cheek muscle, he continues to grow and challenge himself all while keeping his endearing positive energy. One of my favourite quotes by him:
“Here are the most important pieces of advice that I've passed on to my children. One, remember to look up at the stars and not down at your feet. Two, never give up work. Work gives you meaning and purpose and life is empty without it. Three, if you are lucky enough to find love, remember it is rare and don't throw it away.”
Do you have a website/contact?
I am not a trainer by any means but if anyone has questions or feels the need to tell me a story----especially if they involve peanut butter or ghosts, or are a long lost relative of the Lucky Charm clan, email me at renee.berard@gmail.com or visit my blog (which I fully admit isn’t always terribly exciting) www.reneeberard.com
And of course, check out my coach’s website: www.prrstraining.com
Awhile back on your blog you write about how you think that you might be an unidentified leprechaun still in search of your pot of gold.....You look a little tall to me and no so much Irish, so I was wondering if you were able to get a family tree going on this to determine this past hypothesis?
I have this bizarre ability to find four-leaf clovers effortlessly, it actually borders on ridiculous. I don’t even keep many of them anymore because I find that many. I even found one pressed in a book/library display in the Modern History Gallery at the Royal BC Museum in Victoria. Seriously how does that happen?! It always struck me as strange to have been born with this gene when I’m full French-Canadian (probably the worst French-speaking French-Canadian, but French-Canadian nonetheless). Looking in our family tree, there seems to be no Irish. But family trees don’t put subsidiary branches in there for the milk men and stable boys. And my sister has pale skin and red hair. Hmmm….
In 2010 you placed first in fitness tall and also won the overall prize for best routine....Do you have a link to this routine with you as Mario of Super Mario....and hey - why did you not be Luigi? I thought leprachauns preferred green?
Well although Luigi is green (also my favourite colour), he’s technically the deuteragonist of Mario world. I didn’t want to be the sidekick; I’m a fitness girl and let’s face it---we like to be the centre of attention.
The show was recorded on video but I haven’t received the DVD yet. A lot of people have asked to see my routine but I’m a little worried that they’re building it up to more than it is LOL. For real---no fancy tricks were performed in the making of that routine. However, winning the best fitness routine award means more to me than winning the tall class. It felt like getting the People’s Choice award. Some of the fitness girls are ridiculously talented and have very strong routines. I remember warming up and watching all the girls flip across the stage and bust out other badass skills. Actually, it always kind of psyches me out. I don’t have flashy skills. I don’t have gymnastics (seriously, a cartwheel is my high-level gymnastic move). So watching a few tumbling runs and flips, I decided, I may never be able to do that….but I’m going to ham the sh*t out of this routine. I can’t flip but I can entertain your pants off. And really, that wasn’t hard to do. The theme sold itself; who doesn’t giggle over a Mario theme? Everyone has some memory of playing Nintendo. The sound effects alone make me laugh. And plus it’s easy to be silly when the waist of your pants has giant yellow buttons and comes up to your ribcage (conveniently hiding my trouble spot which is my midsection). On a side note---I’ve been criticized a few times for not having my routine costumes sexy enough. It does frustrate me a little because I think the costume should serve the theme and not just an excuse to wear fishnet (although any males reading this may disagree on this point LOL). You see everything in the physique round already anyway. I almost always have some sort of capris as a part of my costume, even from a tactical standpoint---it hurts less when your knees hit the floor and you don’t get ‘carpet burn’. Anyway, it was hugely encouraging that the judges really did reward a non-gymnastics routine. I hope this inspires more ladies to jump into fitness (haha see how I worked in that clever pun?) and not feel that they can’t because they don’t have a gymnastics background.
Nevertheless, this does create a lot of pressure for next year. I have a couple of ideas but I don’t think they are quite as fun as Super Mario was. But yes…. Leprechaun theme is on the table.
Another blog entry you had discussed buying some special undies that add booty....you had mentioned how they were for your sister....did she like them? There was no feedback on your blog from ummmm her.
Thank you for reminding me---I do need to follow up with her on this. My own experiment wasn’t quite so successful. When they arrived in the mail I felt like the stork just delivered me a long awaited baby made of peanut butter. I had found the solution to my flass [flat-@ss]! My prayers have finally been answered. I texted my close girlfriend/training partner, OMG when I get to the gym u have to check out my ass. I’m stoked!!.
I strip down and whip them on. Not too bad. Black, lacy, and two opaque orbs of bootylicious enhancements. On go my lululemon pants. I turn to check myself out in the mirror and UUugggh. TOTAL fail. The booty pop’s design is a little flawed. Under my lululemon tights you could see two defined circles….. artificial circles that clearly were not my glutes. I can’t even begin to articulate just how extremely disappointed I was. Booty Fairy really didn’t exist. Then I began to imagine the awkward situation of hooking up with a guy while wearing the booty pop.
I was so upset that I took them off, threw them in my drawer and didn’t look at them again. After some thought though, I’m willing to give it another try, in jeans this time, and testing it with a few revisions to my hypothesis: 21% denim, 62% booty pop, 17% Jagermeister. My predictions is that this adjustment will both compensate for the design flaw and said awkward moment.
I love science!
I know awhile back in your blog you had broken up with a bottle of Peanut Butter, I think his name was Adam? Have you to reconnected or are you single?
Sigh. Well, we did have an on-again-off again situation for a bit. I had to change my facebook relationship status to “it’s complicated”. During this time, I hooked up with Kraft’s new whipped peanut butter. OMG as soon as I saw that pristine white Kraft lid---something I had never seen before---I knew it was destiny. I whispered seductively, I have to have you. Now, I’m not normally that type of girl, but there was nothing I could do to stop Kraft from coming home with me. Even on the drive home I had my hand in naughty places. I just couldn’t wait. When we got to my place, it was quick and passionate… however after this night, I was upset and guilt ensued. Technically does that mean I cheated on Adam? I thought about it, and deductive reasoning led to the only logical conclusion: the only way it wouldn’t be cheating was to have a group situation happen. So I had an orgy. Adam, Kraft Twins, and even Justin [Almond Butter]….. In fact there was a moment where I had so many nuts in my mouth I almost choked. It was crazy. It lasted almost 24 hours. I did things I never thought I would do. I’m almost too ashamed to post the story on my blog.
(If you are single) What is the hardest thing about dating when you are a busy fitness competitor?
Well. To be blunt: alcohol and sex.
Alcohol, as most of us are [at times painfully] familiar with, is the lubricant for nearly all social situations. Especially the clumsy, awkward beginning stages of dating someone new. Alcohol never has been a part of my training diet. Not to say it hasn’t happened…cause once when…. Wait. Is my coach going to read this?
Now sex. I can only speak for myself but it seems congruent with a few of my female competitor friends. Do you know what a depleted athlete’s favourite sexual position? Seriously. You can throw your nurse & doctor, sexy maid costumes, Easter bunny costume (hey, I don’t judge) out the window because it’s 99% of the time you’re going to play corpse and necrophiliac. And only a very small percentage of dudes are into necrophilism (I’m not even sure I spelled that correctly but I’m a little worried about googling that at work) which probably isn’t someone you’d want to date in the first place.
Let me also tell you a secret----and I know all my natural-breasted sisters are feelin' me on this one. Non-enhanced boobs at 7% body fat are the hideous Medusas of the Mammarian Pantheon. Take two fried eggs and stick a raisin on each one. Voila. Competition tits. This isn't exactly stuff you want to show off to a new recruit.
On a more candid note (as if that wasn’t candid already LOL), this show was my first time prepping while being single. The previous years I had to balance competing with a serious relationship, and then marriage, which isn’t easy. The relationship itself had a myriad of issues that were completely unrelated to competing, as is expected when you’re in something that is a mediocre match at best. So when I finally took the leap to end it, you have to understand that I didn’t want to date. Not because I was jaded, but because I had the opportunity to exploit the luxuries of being single that lent themselves quite well to what was probably my most aggressive contest prep yet. And secondly, spending so many years in a second-rate relationship made me really want to take my time in choosing my next victim and certainly not jump into anything right away. So dating hasn’t been a priority, and I admit to not really putting any effort into it (and besides, it would involve having to wear non-gym clothes and that felt like way too much work). Being single is not only drama free, but you even discover incidental dividends: I could have a non-diet food embargo, and when I went pee in the middle of the night (sometimes twice), I knew for certain that the toilet seat was always in it’s rightful down position. Single: 3, Relationship: 0
I noticed you have many tattoos - Do any of these have special meaning to you - the one on your abs looks like writing - mind if I ask what it says?
Every time I date a new guy (or get married) I get their name in hieroglyphs. It’s kinda like a wall of fame, you know: "Matt was here.” “Matt and Billy were here” (the back piece is for the Varsity Blues women's hockey team). The great thing about this system is that when we eventually break up, it still looks pretty and no one is the wiser. This is the fun thing about hieroglyphics; not many people are fluent, so depending on what mood I’m in I’ll make up random stuff (sometimes purely for shock value). This doesn’t work for very long though as I have the worst poker face ever but it works better online. Haha. Now you’re wondering if I told the truth or not, right? *w*
In all honesty though, I was concerned that it would affect how the judges saw me on stage fitness competing. It’s not supposed to influence the judging but I can understand how it’s not exactly ideal to cover half your body in ink and then compete in a physique competition. I didn’t start competing with such large pieces so I really had no idea what kind of reaction to expect after the new sections were added (still finishing up the shading, actually). In fact I tried to cover it up for pre-judging but all the tattoo cover rubbed off. So having to go out there without the tattoos covered made me feel a little like the Dark Horse of Fitness Tall. Larger tattoos are common in bodybuilding but not so much in fitness & figure. Although you do see it a little more frequently now.
One of my friends who is a tattoo artist is determined to tattoo a four leaf clover on my butt, and I probably would…if I was an exotic dancer. But I’m just never got drunk enough and am not feeling the flow with the Egyptian.
Your blog is all about RANDOMNESS....Can you tell us 5 random things CBB readers would not know or presume about you?
1-One of my absolute favourite music genres is opera that grew from my passion for music. I was a performance major at the University of Toronto, then moved to the conservatory. I have a very deep connection with classical music, although I was not a singer (trust me, no one wants to hear that). I was a bassoon player, and yes, that is the instrument that looks like a giant bong…oddly fitting being a westcoaster and all.
2-I am 32 which means the majority of my formative years occurred during the 80’s. As a result, My Little Ponies became a huge part of my life. Like 500+ huge part of my life. I came out of the [collector’s] closet back in 2003 when Hasbro revived MLP’s with a new throwback generation of awesomely chubby little ponies. At first when buying them I would tell the cashier that they were for my [nonexistent] niece. Now I’m not ashamed. My name is Renee, I have over 500 My Little Ponies and I’m a ponyholic. Although I don’t keep them in my bedroom….. I don’t like them, you know, watching.
3-I have an obsessive penchant for ghost stories and haunted locations. And I’m a bit of a geek (if this wasn’t apparent already). If I’m travelling I’ll do some research to read up on stories of haunted locations, like theatres or museums or hotels. The closest thing I’ve had to a ghostly experience was late one night at the conservatory in Toronto when I was putting away a friend’s bassoon late one Saturday night after playing a concert at Roy Thompson Hall. I was on the top floor and there are many stories about that floor being haunted by a woman who floats up and down the hallway. I was alone, it was dark, and I had psyched myself out so badly I thought I was going to faint. Likely all psychosomatic of course LOL. Currently I have a microwave ghost living with me. I call him Jacob. He usually turns on in the middle of the night. I’ve tried to rush over when I hear the microwave go off to check the numbers, maybe looking for some sequence involving a 4, 8, 15, 16, 23, and/or 42. Usually it’s a lot of 2’s and 9’s though. It could be just an electrical issue but it’s much more enthralling to say it’s Jacob the microwave ghost.
4- While I was a student at the University of Toronto/Conservatory and looking for ghosts in dark school hallways, funded part of my tuition by working in a sex toy store on Yonge street. After the initial “Woa, THAT goes… where???” wore off, I actually liked this job quite a bit because weekday shifts were so slow that I was able to get through a significant volume of reading homework. And, as one could imagine, this kind of job is fodder of endless stories. Many now long forgotten and I wished I had written them down, however, there was one thing in particular that amused me to no end with this job: When someone bought an item that required batteries, we had to open it and put batteries in to show the customer that the product worked (we had a strict no-return policy). The look on their face every time we said “Before you leave the store, I need to test this to make sure it works.” was awesome.
5-This segues quite nicely from the previous point (and I’m not going to describe just how I ran across this tidbit of information), but did you know that there is a town in Newfoundland named “Dildo”?
Thank you Renee for an excellent interview and best of luck to you at the 2011 CBBF National Fitness Competition!
