My life is a ****ing mess----****ing unreal!!

[Born2Juice4Ever]

CBB,


I cannot believe this ****ing crap.

A month ago I accepted a position as a general manager/sous chef to a location that is 3 hours round trip from Ottawa.
My schedule was friendly, Monday to Friday, but I would live the house at 8AM and would normally be back by 8PM in the evening.
I put my gym life on hold, I put my friends on hold---I don't even know why I accepted this job in the first place. The owner of the restaurant promised me great things, if I restructured the place and placed it back into a well ran operation.

Two weeks ago, my fiancee started acting really strange, distant from me...it hit me real hard, we used to be so closed to one another...**** I am so angry, I have no drive left for anything life may have to offer.
If I loose this chick I am done.

She started acting distant, NO it is not anybody else in the picture, she has promised me over and over...and I know for a fact that she is not one to "shop around" while involved at all. She was alone for 4 years before me and was happy.
She has a ****ing bitch dead beat ex-husband, who owes her so much money, I am talking around a quarter of a mill in cash and property...but he is another story.

The last week, I resigned the job, I am home now, will be hunting for a new position within the city of course.
I have a partnership at a very successful Bistro, and that is going well also.
She got me a German Sheppard doggie the same day I landed that other job.
I started to apply pressure to disclose her issues to me the last few days, we have had hours to no end lengthy conversations over it:

-she is not sure what she wants
-she feels cornered
-she feels a lot of pressure

THOSE are the basic strong points that stand out.
I know that she is also undergoing tremendous pressure at her work (gov).
We have been together for 10 months, moved in after 5 months.

I feel I am loosing control of my life...I feel ****ing depressed and nothing in life matters to me any longer.
We make love almost every day, last night was real nice---but **** **** ****.

You hear of guys that treat their chicks like shit, you hear of abusive guys, alcoholics, drug addicts....and here me, I kiss the grounds she walks on, and this is what I get.

When I undertook the job at the location, as it is normal in the industry, I would keep in contact with the girls at work --via text....and they were constants texts. It is normal for management in the restaurant industry to contact each other often.
I know that she started to get a little anxious about the texts...I would show her the texts and she was fine about it.
I get the feeling that she thought I was having an affair...but that is not the truth at all.

I don't know how to adress the situation....I am in a million pieces at the moment.
I got up this morning as I always do on the weekends, and got us both Tim Hortons....

I mean she is fine, she is not acting like a bitch at all....but I can feel a thousand miles of distance between us.

We are to get married 2010-10-10....if I don't fix this, I am 99 percent certain I am not going to make it:(

This ****ing job ****ed me hard!!! I neglected everything around me and everything in my life...I started smoking 5 days ago...weight 210lbs (was 230 45 days ago--most of the weight I have lost over the last 14 days from stress)---

You guys on the site have always offered me great advise, I know I can count on you guys one more time....speak please :(

[Gemini]

You resigned the job right? So I don't understand what seems to be the problem now?

[MMASTAR]

i think you already took the first step in quitting the job, do yourself a favor and quit the smoking before it becomes a real problem, all you can do is show her how much you care and that your making an effort to get things back to the way they were. Try and keep a positive outlook on things as negativity feeds of itself. chin up man!!

[Gemini]

"You hear of guys that treat their chicks like shit, you hear of abusive guys, alcoholics, drug addicts....and here me, I kiss the grounds she walks on, and this is what I get."

Sounds to me like you're too nice. I used to suffer from the "Nice Guy Syndrom". I made the mistake many nice guys seem to make. I was devoting a lot of my time and energy into doing things for other people (especially my girlfriend) to the point where I wasn't taking care of myself.

If you don't take care of yourself first you won't be worth a damn to your girl or anyone else as a matter of fact. You can't be there for that woman in your life if you don't see to your own needs first.

This is just my opinion.

[the-vanilla-gorilla]

DAMN bro!


keep your head up man
step one was taken when you quit the job
now jus focus on her and the gym and getting things back to normal


im going through my own shit and know its hard bro keep your head high!



TVG

[marcman77]

been through the same shit, if its meant to be...its meant to be, if not ull know..stay strong

[JonnyO]

Well for one thing bro it sounds like you do love her but dont bend over backwards for her what ever you do. Let things fall in place as they should if it is meant to be, and Im sure they will but dont force it. Did she elaborate on what she meant by "she is not sure what she wants, -she feels cornered
-she feels a lot of pressure"? She might be a bit confused right now, and I can see that being normal, esp since she went thru a bad marriage before by the sounds of it. Just give her reassurance that your there for her and her best interests and yours as well. Your not going to **** her over like her ex has. I had to go thru a lot as well with my wife to gain her trust because of her ex messing her up. Its a long hard road and I still deal with it, but nothing a little reassurance doesnt help. Keep doing what your doing without having to bend over backwards as in my opinion you have to have your limits as a man and keep some dignity without going too far or you will lose her respect and she will take advantage of that, so dont show desparity or weakness. Its sounds like you may be getting there but dont lose yourself, keep your cool and be yourself. Your life is not in shambles right now, things dont seem bleak. Its a small bump in the road and you need to take control of it. Best of luck bro.

[warlock]

1) Get out of this job (done already)
2) Take care of your self (back to gym and stop smoking)
3) Give her some space tell her to go out with her friends, you do the same and even if you feel that she is everything in your life just don't show it.
4) she has her own crap to deal with therefore, show support let her deal with it but don't try to solve her problems if she doesn't ask
5) See more of your friends and family that will give her some space.
6) concentrate in finding a job that will let you have alife and not fall in this trap again.

[wolverine]

You should take a vacation together, that will help big time!!

[Tiamat]

Love sucks. It always ends bad. Always. Even if the couple doesn't part ways, they seem to just live separate lives together.

Meh, don't ask me for advise. I've had nothing but bad luck and it's rendered me cynical. I'm in love with sex so hopefully that goes well for me :D

[LIVEHARD]

CBB,


I cannot believe this ****ing crap.

A month ago I accepted a position as a general manager/sous chef to a location that is 3 hours round trip from Ottawa.
My schedule was friendly, Monday to Friday, but I would live the house at 8AM and would normally be back by 8PM in the evening.
I put my gym life on hold, I put my friends on hold---I don't even know why I accepted this job in the first place. The owner of the restaurant promised me great things, if I restructured the place and placed it back into a well ran operation.

Two weeks ago, my fiancee started acting really strange, distant from me...it hit me real hard, we used to be so closed to one another...**** I am so angry, I have no drive left for anything life may have to offer.
If I loose this chick I am done.

She started acting distant, NO it is not anybody else in the picture, she has promised me over and over...and I know for a fact that she is not one to "shop around" while involved at all. She was alone for 4 years before me and was happy.
She has a ****ing bitch dead beat ex-husband, who owes her so much money, I am talking around a quarter of a mill in cash and property...but he is another story.

The last week, I resigned the job, I am home now, will be hunting for a new position within the city of course.
I have a partnership at a very successful Bistro, and that is going well also.
She got me a German Sheppard doggie the same day I landed that other job.
I started to apply pressure to disclose her issues to me the last few days, we have had hours to no end lengthy conversations over it:

-she is not sure what she wants
-she feels cornered
-she feels a lot of pressure

THOSE are the basic strong points that stand out.
I know that she is also undergoing tremendous pressure at her work (gov).
We have been together for 10 months, moved in after 5 months.

I feel I am loosing control of my life...I feel ****ing depressed and nothing in life matters to me any longer.
We make love almost every day, last night was real nice---but **** **** ****.

You hear of guys that treat their chicks like shit, you hear of abusive guys, alcoholics, drug addicts....and here me, I kiss the grounds she walks on, and this is what I get.

When I undertook the job at the location, as it is normal in the industry, I would keep in contact with the girls at work --via text....and they were constants texts. It is normal for management in the restaurant industry to contact each other often.
I know that she started to get a little anxious about the texts...I would show her the texts and she was fine about it.
I get the feeling that she thought I was having an affair...but that is not the truth at all.

I don't know how to adress the situation....I am in a million pieces at the moment.
I got up this morning as I always do on the weekends, and got us both Tim Hortons....

I mean she is fine, she is not acting like a bitch at all....but I can feel a thousand miles of distance between us.

We are to get married 2010-10-10....if I don't fix this, I am 99 percent certain I am not going to make it:(

This ****ing job ****ed me hard!!! I neglected everything around me and everything in my life...I started smoking 5 days ago...weight 210lbs (was 230 45 days ago--most of the weight I have lost over the last 14 days from stress)---

You guys on the site have always offered me great advise, I know I can count on you guys one more time....speak please :(

If she means the work talk to her listen to her

#3rd party profesional maybe ??

Good luck sincerely

[rufusrocks]

hey man if you love each other work it out. sorry that it's been tough. all you can do is be honest and go from there. just because my car breaks doesn't mean i buy a new one.

hope it works out for you. hey go out to a few movies and don't have sex. hey bud if you love her don't give up. talk to her...

all the best

[Knuckles28]

Maybe it has nothing to do with you b2j.. i mean she's recently divorced?? you've only been together 10 months and she's engaged again, and getting married again in a year...
Maybe this is heavy on her mind.
Have you talked to her about this? I know if it were me in her situation i'd be stressed the fack out, especially if she's been burned once by a shitty marriage.

I like the take a vacation together idea. go somewhere nice doesnt have to be far, i can think of a place near Ottawa that would be fun, Logos Land in Cobden :) waterslides!!!
Good Luck

[L3]

Do this:

1) Get out of this job (done already)
2) Take care of your self (back to gym and stop smoking)
3) Give her some space tell her to go out with her friends, you do the same and even if you feel that she is everything in your life just don't show it.
4) she has her own crap to deal with therefore, show support let her deal with it but don't try to solve her problems if she doesn't ask
5) See more of your friends and family that will give her some space.
6) concentrate in finding a job that will let you have alife and not fall in this trap again.

do NOT do this:

You should take a vacation together, that will help big time!!

been in a similar situation before, route 1 will give you a chance to overcome the issues, route 2 will end your reltaionship 3 days into the vacation (guaranteed, sorry wolvy)

[Born2Juice4Ever]

Good Morning fellas,

Ok I am home alone all day today.
My intentions yesterday were not to come across as a little insecure guy...but this has taken a toll on me 100 folds.

Each one of your posts has offered invaluable advise to me.

Johnny O we go back a long while bro, and you've always stood out--thanks!--

We watch movies often, Blockbusters has a lot of specials....and we buy 3 or 6 movies at the time.
We had been car shopping too, she wanted to get herself a sport car, and I wanted to get a truck again...we do DO a lot together---but the wall she built the last 2 weeks is tearing me apart.
We go to Big monster truck shows, races in Cornwall, Brockville...we do a lot together and we do plan things for fun also---Logos Land---we have been talking about it too.

I very much understand the dignity aspect of things...the "not be such a good guy" thing, the "stand my grounds and be by her side"....I hear those elements loud and clear.
One of her girlfriends just went through a divorce also, and it tored her apart (I posted about it)---then MY girl is also divorced and probably hates the idea of marriage again.
I am more than willing to cool on the marriage thing...but back a few months ago, she was very happy--her eyes filled with tears for a while when we exchanged rings.
I also know and understand that her divorce and ugly years of marriage may hunt her down from time to time.

At 34 years of age, I have been with 5 divorced chicks---laying down in bed last night, I started to take them all apart, they all had their negatives in relation to their pasts....but **** most people have pasts---some not so kind and nice hhu?

Back early in the year, she was attacked by insomnia--she could only fall asleep at 4AM or so--sleep for 2-3 hours then up by 7AM....well now the last weeks she has been experiencing the same thing....I have advised blood work, but she is ****ing stubborn.--I know from personal experience that lack of sleep affects the system radically.


I have been on the sites for a number of years....I knew I could count on the people of the juice world--you are all faceless to me, but I would be denying the fact that you are as solid as they come when it comes to advice!!

Thank you very much to each and everyone of you!!

...the truth is, I am not too sure I can withstand this shit any longer.


I am off downtown for a quick meeting.


B2J

[countrychic]

B2J, I can see the confusion and heart ache you are going through. Thing is you both have decided to spend the rest of your lives together, that being said you are going to go through alot of ups and downs together as you know.

People have pasts no doubt but bringing baggage into your relationship will definately make waves for the two of you, if she has such negative thoughts on marriage bc of her past then she needs to rethink some decision's. If she loves you and is your bestfriend you will work through it. She needs to understand the heartache that all of this is putting you through, you need to listen to her and both be open and honest so that the two of you can work on it. That is the only way to resolve issues, two way communication. The date isn't set in stone... relax on the marriage issue and just enjoy being together. :)

[marcman77]

id say give her , her space, and let her see that sometimes the grass isnt always greener on the other side.......then maybe she will come around, but i think her saying she feels cornered or pressured is just the way of saying but i might be wrong that she wants to be single, and see other people, let her do her own thing..if she loves u , she will eventually come back to u...


good luck

[waderow]

sorry to hear about it bro.

If you want it to work out, ask her if she wants to put in an effort and get couples counseling. Sounds like she has some issues, and maybe you will have to learn to give her 100% instead of 110% if you know what I mean. If she is feeling pressured, you might have to relax a bit.

I know how you love this girl from how you talk about her, and I think it must be worth saving so have a chat with her about counseling.

PS if youre on Tren..... dump it immediately

[macka]

Bud,

You are thinking about this too hard. You have all the worst case scenario crap dancing in your head. That will only make it worse, believe me. You need to find a way to escape mentally even for a few hours.

[Born2Juice4Ever]

Hey guys,


I am not on anything at all, I have been clean for at least 3 months now--I was going to get ready for the Ottawas, but juice at this point in time may not be a good idea, since it will demand a lot of ME---and not much fo HER left.

I believe she is feeling a little overwhelmed at the moment...and she has not given me any signs of "break up" at all...she is only asking me to cool down a little. The funny thing is that NOTHING has changed in our lives...but it is her battle internally.
I sold my place late last year and I moved in with her--it was a decision we both thought of for many many and endless hours/days.....
There was a point when I would spend the entire week here at her house....I went on like that for months and it was breaking me into pieces...so because of the time we were spending (doing stuff) it was decided that I had to make the move.
Her friend going through a divorce a month ago has had a triggering domino effect on her, and I know it.
Her ex-husband is a ****ing looser and this also takes a toll on her.

From here on end, NO MORE MARRIAGE talk...I'll let her be, and I will let her work it out on her own.

I don't believe I am too nice..she calls me jerk sometimes :D it is in my nature to spoil the woman that I am with.

I am also up to my ears working the hospitality industry (long hours, too many sluts grabbing my ass also)
I have decided to go after an administrative gov contract--I am currently being checked by Canada Works. It will be M-F normal hours.
Restaurants can be very demanding...and after 3 years, I am saying **** it!! This last job almost cost me my life.

CC thank you for coming to my rescue!!!! MUAWCK!! IW do not get jealous bro, it's just an internet friendly kiss mofo--you get them from me all the time.

Wade thanks bro, you know how much I love this lady---gawsh if you met me you would say: OMG that guy is going to tear this room apart...but deep down, i am nothing but a softy.

Macka you hit it right on the damn nose too!!

I guess the fact that I am sitting at home, freakking pouting like a kid all day long is not helping me at all...I have no energy for anything at all....I am just having my first meal: a chick breast with beans---I've been up since 7AM---empty stomach all day again...smoking like a pregnant bitch all day long...gawsh I hate cigarrets so much



B2J

[#8]

smoking like a prenant bitch? lol

dude, the way you talk about your girl its pretty obvious she is very special and worth whatever stress is happening right now. the only way you can know your relationship will last the "test of time" is how things go during the really rough patches.

i know you're a smart guy, and probably a good friend to those close to you. my advice, for what its worth is to take it one day at a time and always, always, always, talk to her about how you are feeling and communicate everything. even if it makes you feel uncomfortable to do so. she wants to know how you are doing so you both can talk it out and make sure that you both are moving forward, looking ahead to the great years still to come.

buck up soldier

:)

[Born2Juice4Ever]

Good Morning CBB,

She just left for work, and I have a meeting at 9AM not too far from the house, then at 1PM heading downtown to sign a contract with the the gGov---yeah going to be getting a 3 month contract with the Gov :D my first time.

Last night was pretty quite, we layed around---I did most of the talking, she was reserved.--I asked her if she wanted to have a glass of wine to unwind---either one of us had dinner, although I cooked Rice:beans: chicken breast: broccoli, carrots

We rented P.S. I love you---we have both seen it before, but it was my idea to watch it again....it was a very good choice. The movie brought us back together a little.


We both took showers then jumped in bed...you know the rest....she was hungry :D

I am so very appreciative of each one of you here. Given the advise that has been posted, and the style of approach I have used towards the situation, this is what I have concluded needs to be done (which seems to be working like a charm so far)

-PATIENCE
-A MORE LAYED BACK DAY TO DAY

I know for a fact that the last months at work, she has been experiencing a lot of trouble with some of the programs that are being developed, this is taking a toll on her---but along the way she is forgetting that life around her should probably be cultivated in a healthy manner.

I am going to be working on leaving the hospitality industry altogether. I will not make this decision over a cup of coffee or anything---sell the bistro.--I have had that for 1.5 years now, and it is doing well for me.


I left her a red rose on her side of the bed last night, she loved it.
We are going to Luskville this weekend to climb a mountain...then to the races in Brockville Saturday night.

This past job was only paying me 49k plus a bonus....the money sucked for the work that was involved....I have no respect for money at all, I have learned in the past that money can be made....but a relationship like this one is unsurmountable to me.

Jersey thank you so much bro...I have neglected a lot since the last two months almost...I need to get my life back into what it used to be.

**** I hate smoking so much--Dumourrier PRESTIGE (used to be Ultra light before) is what I smoke. at 210lbs coming from 230,I am very tight right now, but it isnt me.

[PJD]

Hey B2J

It seems as though you're getting ahold of what you would have wanted to get ahold of when this all started to creep on you.....Positive mindset....I'm sure your a very confident guy but just as though alot have said....Stay calm, refocus the things that are important to you.....and it will all fall into place! It sounds as though you're doing all the right things and there comes a point where the other person has to be able to recognize that and appreciate that (which i'm sure she is....). I'm more than sure your girl isn't as distant from you as you think, its just a way in which she is expressing herself right now based on what she is experiencing in her head and thinking. Keep doing what your doing, stay positive and i'm confident it will all work out better than you ever could have imagined.

Enjoy it all right now and don't think of the bad that could happen.....That could always happen even when things seem really really good....Always try your hardest to focus on the greatness you two have and it will remain present for as long as you both want it there!

Take care.....

PJD

[BritishColumbian]

wow, reading all this just made me realize how screwed up my relationship is with my g/f.
I dont even care what she says or does. Some days I dont even talk to her. Thats it, Im leaving her.

[Born2Juice4Ever]

....it is over...she wants out.

This will be my last post.

Thank you to each and every one of you. You have offered me valuable from the heart advice.


B2J4E

[nii]

Well I was NOT expecting that. Wish you the best of luck moving forward mate. You've got a lot of pp rooting for yea.

[Redz]

Maybe it just wasnt meant to be there are others out there. Get yourself working out hard and take a vacation with some friends.

[69challenger]

B2J, did she say why she wants out?

[Born2Juice4Ever]

B2J, did she say why she wants out?


I just had this post made up and then the battery on my lap to shut me down hummm


Good morning all,

Thank you very much for the PMs, and the posts, you guys rock hard!!

Last night her and I had the chance at having a good lengthy conversation (2-3 hours). I am the type of guy who needs constant communication, I have always been that way with my partners...it has nothing to do with having gay tendencies or anything like that.


She feels she undergoing a tremendous depression. She went through a heavy one early in the year, she was hospitalized for a day...got treatment.

We discussed her divorce, we have in the past, but last night we discussed in more details...she disclosed how she is feeling in regards to trust and in regards to why she was alone for 3.5 years after she divorced, then she met me. During those years alone, she did meet some other guys, but she never gave them the chance to even say a word---she'd cut them off.

During our conversation, which was very moving, this is what stands out:

-she needs time to fix HERSELF
-She asked me why life is so unfair
-she absolutely promised me, would prove to me that there is NO other guy in the picture at all

If any of you ever met this lady, you would know that she is as honest as they come...she was married to a ****ing asshole for 20 years, and she suffered a lot, but she never once went outside the marriage, it is not within her to shop around while involved. I trust her fully.

So (I) WE decided that in order for this relationship to stay healthy, that space between us was needed.
I have decided to make the move..I am going to be speaking to my parents and will move in with them for now.--yeah I know, but they have a huge house all for themselves...so there I go.
I decided to do this, because I know that if I had not, me staying in her space would eventually cause serious terminal problems.

We are going to remain a couple, we are still going to be hanging out, doing stuff together, but she just needs her own space.
She said that it is nobody elses responsibility to fix her past, specially not me.

Last night she only slept 3 hours again. She underwent a serious insomnia issue early in the year as well, and she had to be hospitalized for 24 hours.
It is not that she does not love me at all, she does very much....

This decision is going to hurt so much----




Divorce....such a compound compound issue. As much as |I read, as patient as I am, as understanding as I want to be and try to be, I will never understand the actual root of it---and theory is not enough for me.

I have been on the sites for a number of years, and I have never left the sites....I feel that in the next while, I will need to work on this situation...but I also know that those I know here for years are also very valuable to me.

I need to be very smart about this for the next few weeks. I will most likely make the move this weekend.
I know that there are many options out there, but in my heart she is one of a kind. I am tired of sleeping in different beds, I am tired of meeting diff chicks...tired of this ****ing dating life.


Thank you much much!!!


Hope you all have a terrific safe day!!


B2J4E

[St]

You got mail bro.

[Houstonbc]

Bet of luck to you B2J. I hope everything works out for you guys, Im sure it will.

[Born2Juice4Ever]

Good morning cbb,

I feel like the center of attention WOW!!

ST you've seen the situation, you've assimilated it, and you've manage to contain it.
You and I have talked VIA PMs in the past..but this time you crossed the lines!! Thank you sooooo very much for stepping up to the plate. You're making a real friend real quick!
Plus you're kind of cute too.

So I have all my stuff packed now--will move most of it today on my own.
Empty room, empty closet, empty everything...but I am leaving her with the secure feeling that this is what she needs.

"It is not about me: it is about her"

I went to visit her parents yesterday, and I went to see them because we have become friends since we met, they know there is tremendous love in the family--her mom explained that my little sugar has been speaking to her about the current.
I basically need to step back, and allow her to breath, allow her to feel confidence and allow her to just sit here, home alone for hours at the time without necesarily having to outer a single word.

We broke the news to her two girls last night, it was a very emotional evening for that 6 and 9 year old. They made me letters with pictures, they told me they loved me so much--and that they very much wanted to get Dairy Queens together almost everyday. We told them that yes we would do that.
My babe told them: this is very t e m p o r a r y, B2J has a job in Ottawa and he needs to move back for now. But he will be here regularly with us.
Damn I have not even spoken to my parents..I am practically showing up with a truck..Hi MoM!! HI DaD!! I am back home like in the old days; to take your space eat your food and hang around. What's for dinner:D

Anyhow you guys practically know my life's downtime now--why watch T.V. When you just log on and read.

I know she is struggling within herself. The walls that surround her are of fear, are of self defense in nature.


I have a huge interview at 11AM--i need to start preparing now.

Mercy tres bien amis!!


B2J4Eva

[the-vanilla-gorilla]

wow good luck on your interview!!

and im happy your happy!!;)


TVG

[wolverine]

Kudos to ST, sometimes we all need that talk, good for you brother... B2J If you love some thing set it free, if it comes back it was meant to be... I hope everything works out for you, just remember, it always happens for a reason!!!

God Speed!!!

[gicantor]

Damn bro sorry to hear about this. Good luck to both of you.

[daande]

I was dating this girl for the past 3 and a half years (we broke up 4 months ago)...Anyways, I let her get too comfy as I would do anything for her but thats not what girls want because they are all mental. If you treat a girl like you dont care they will stick around forever. Anyways, I noticed the same shit but was to busy with work and stuff to do anything about it. About 2 months before we broke up I noticed her being distant and shit so what I did was the exact opposite of what I should of done. I smothered her. Which basically made her feel trapped and shit. She was also extremely stressed at her dead end job and since I started smothering her she basically decided it was me that made her happy and not her job even though for the year before that all I had to hear about was about how much she hated her job etc. Anyways man, I dont think should take advice from any of us just read what we have to say and in the end you have to do what your heart tells you to do. But, look out for yourself first because a girl can be gone faster than you can blink your eye.