Husband lost his job and family

[Felinecougar]

I didn't see this coming. Anyone else in the automotive industry in Michigan and Ontario know what I mean. You all who know me over the 9 yrs I have been on bb forums know I call him DH. Dear Hubby.

He has been traveling to the Orient and Mexico for work, having dies made for new car lines for the last 18 months and is rarely home. His income was good. Add in a bonus and we were doing great. Because we live in Canada and the office is in Michigan he falls under Michigan laws. They gave him 60 days notice of massive lay offs...meaning NO severance after 24 yrs with the company under Michigan laws. He was a press operator in 85 after being a summer student, a quality inspector in 87, quality Manager in 89 of the factory to Project Engineer in 97 in the Corporate offices.

I owned a home when I met him, he was only 21. Cougar! He raised my daughter like his own all these years. I have always been there for him, for better or worse all these years. 25 long years, married 20 this past Aug.

Our girls are 18 and 15 who are at home. We have my 27 yr old too that he went into debt to pay for her university education and her Jamaican wedding. Our 18 year old is going to the University with a full scholarship. What a blessing this is.

My work is sporadic. I work from the heart, not for the dollar. I didn't have to make money!!! Now I need to get aggressive and seek out those who are still employed and finally make a go of my business.

ON top of all of this...we will be splitting up. (Guys who know me in real life, I'm sorry you find out on here this way.) I intercepted his text messages from a women in Mexico on his work cell phone, as well as alot of other things are now confirmed. I won't take seconds. I won't sacrifice my happiness for his. I was married 30 yrs ago to a cheater. He left me with a baby and left for the other women. It cuts deep happing a second time.

I'm numb, sick, drunk, depressed and want to curl up in the basement and die.

Thank god for the gym and my friends on line and in real life. Matt, Jon..Love ya. I'll be there every night at 7:30.

Life goes on.

[hugh mungus]

Sorry to hear about the DH....F*ck, I had to re-read it to make sure I had things correct. You have been there for me and helped me out a ton, if there is anything you need or just to chat...you know where to find me. All the best. Be strong!!!

Hugh

[Monka]

Ouch, man, sorry to hear this as well... VERY sorry, this is just a shitty year.. i dont' even know what to say, i just hope your strong enough, it's hard i can tell you that. As the days grow, feeling will get better.

[Felinecougar]

Sorry to hear about the DH....very bad times in our parts especially in the auto industry. You have been there for me and helped me out a ton, if there is anything you need or just to chat...you know where to find me. All the best. Be strong!!!

Hugh

Thank you Hugh...I have to try to stay sober for my work. It's my biggest problem now late at night. I tried Sleep Ez last night. OMG. Merlot has less side affects. I dragged my ass all day today.

bigfarmer.....You made me smile tonight. OMG son. Seeing you walk into the gym after your operation was priceless.

I'm so damn much for others that I have forgot about myself.

[Felinecougar]

Ouch, man, sorry to hear this as well... VERY sorry, this is just a shitty year.. i dont' even know what to say, i just hope your strong enough, it's hard i can tell you that. As the days grow, feeling will get better.


Monka..you too. Love you sir! Alot of years between you and I. I wanna feel again, learn to love myself. Numb is bumm.

[Houstonbc]

Hey FC i dont really know you but im sorry to hear about your hard times, it will get better.

[pinhead]

Hang in there FC. We're here for you if you need us.

[faller]

I don't know you FC, but it's really tough to hear things like this.....

I've been married to the same woman for 31 years. And beleive me there have been some very big bump's on this road, including adultury from both ends. Kinda funny actually, it always seemed that when one of us faltered the other was there fighting tooth and nail for the marriage. We've both had incrediable heart ache, hurt each other terriably at some point.

Somehow we always managed to get through it. I don't know how, when looking back it still amaze's me that we are together. But even through all that, in the end we knew we loved each and we can't be without each other. Yes it took years to regain trust but anything worth while is worth waiting for.

I don't know your story, and i won't presume to know how much you love DH but when i strayed and my wife fought like hell to get me back, i can't even begin to tell you how much that made me love her.

All i'm saying is are you absolutely sure that you want to go down this road? Are absolutly sure that there is no chance for this marriage? From reading your post i get the sense you have very strong feelings for this man..

If i have been out of line i appoligize...

[gustavo77]

Well sis, sounds like you are going though some very tough times and i am sure tough times lie ahead as well. Just remember that all these trials do is build character within us. Keep the focus on your children and yourself, at this point that's all that really should matter. Your'e in my prayers and i hope that things start to turn around very soon for you. Just remember, be good to yourself in thought and in deed. Gus.

[Monka]

The real sad part is i was going threw some hard times just few months ago mysefl ,and FC was there everyday \Pm'ing me, and giving me her number, thats just the way she is, always willing to help other or be a shoulder to lean on and just be yourself, i dont' know if i hope you's get together after that , but more so hope you find happiness soon, and very soon, on a good note, your still VERY VERY attractive, and will have NO problems at all meeting people, your very outgoing, and just have to adjust a bit. which will be hard, maybe a roommate to help for a bit with paying bills? then at least less stress.. and till you get on top, (which you will) probably even better then before, Nutz how life happen like this after 20 yrs you'd thing just a typcial marriage thing and then you realise it's another woman, and your not the one... so try try try to move on, force a smile, be the bigger woman, as you say you have many friend there, this is the time when you'll see whos really there...

[champcar99]

I hope you showed him the door when you found this out and not give him any slack or it's "ok" bullshit... it's one thing to cheat IMO if you are not married with kids...but with marriage and kids it's a whole different story ..he obviously wasn't too concerned about his families fellings when he's doing what he does..therefore do what any good married women does in times like this GET A GOOD ****ING LAYWER AND TAKE HIM TO THE CLEANERS MAKE HIM ****ING PAY SO HE CAN'T AFFORD TO GO TO MEXICO AND HAVE A GREAT TIME WITH "SUSIE THE HOME WRECKER"

[grifter]

FC
Sorry to hear about DH. You are a person of great passion and carring (IMO, reading your other posts)
If there is anyone who can get through this difficult time, it would be you. You are a strong and level headed person. Use it!
Try to view the positives and don't give in to weaknesses.
You are in our prayers.

[warlock]

Sister, I am still speechless.

Check your pm later.

We love you!

[420]

Sad story, wish you the best of luck in the future.

[gsxr750]

We're all here for you.. I wish you the best.

[waderow]

having never gone through something like this I cannot comment. however, having gone through a million hard times, I can say:
Let your head clear before making any judgements, decisions, or before taking any actions.

Other then that, you will be fine no matter what happens. How could you not be?

I wish you the best

[Big D]

so sorry to hear that, stay strong

[bigben]

I'm so sorry to hear about what has happened. He has made an enormous mistake. You are a person who exudes passion and caring and this will carry you far with the people who care about you, of which there are many. I have no doubt you can prevail, and rebuild your life. You are in my prayers.

[ironwill]

So sorry to hear this FC.....we know you from the boards and i have noticed the no more DH talk when you spoke of hubby...I actually was wondering if things were good for you over there in that dept......
Now i have been through many plant closures and moves with my career, and ill tell ya, it is no reason to cheat....Only reason to be closer to the ones that need you...You are to good for that crap, dont let it get you down, you are a strong lady and if nothing else, this can be a grerat opportunity to get back in the gym and go like never before and practice on YOU for awhile, and your 2 girls...
I dont know what else to say except, hang in there kid...You will be a better person for it...BIG TIME....

[69challenger]

check your pm

[nisser]

=( sorry to hear that. I don't know you that well but from your posts you seem real nice and outgoing, and going by your avatar you'll have no trouble going back to your cougar ways :D

I'm glad you stood your ground and didn't give him any slack. wish you the best in the future

[beserker]

I dont really know you but have read several of your posts......i know it will be difficult but please stop drinking immediately as it will make things a whole lot worse in the long run , believe me i fell into that rut myself and ended up screwing up EVERYTHING in my own life . Its hard as shit but like gaining 10 lbs of lean mass it takes time , keep your head up !

[#8]

You'll get through it. You have solid friends on here who will listen whenever you need. Chin up soldier.

[AlbertaBeef]

I dont really know you but have read several of your posts......i know it will be difficult but please stop drinking immediately as it will make things a whole lot worse in the long run , believe me i fell into that rut myself and ended up screwing up EVERYTHING in my own life . Its hard as shit but like gaining 10 lbs of lean mass it takes time , keep your head up !

Bump this!!
Put the plug in the jug sister, you're only making things worse for yourself.

I wish you the best, I would hope you two can reconcile and if not I would get some of the guys to look after him...... then his little chakita can push him around in the wheel chair, wipe his drool and change his diapers while he stares blankly into nothingness.

[rufusrocks]

sorry to hear that, my company is shutting down and i have to start all over again for the 2nd time in 5 yrs. it's tough but the Big Guy upstairs has got me through it and will again. looks like you have a lot of support from the people here.

you'll make it...

[Felinecougar]

Love u all.

I will NOT go back to what we were. It ****ing sucked..sorry MP for the swear words. DH..I use to call dear hubby..
Last week dh dropped toast with peanut butter on the carpet. I said to him..oh well go make another.
He says..."Go **** yourself" I have been the dog for 25 yrs. I get kicked when his life goes amis. Who talks to the one they love like that?

He has not hit me but has pushed me so hard I went face first at the gym.. I have seen the guys there who seen this several times come over to us to try to diffuse the situation.

I didn't say this before on here but.... I have a 27 yr old daughter. Her father went out of town to work when she was 3 months old. My husband then was staying in a dorm where men were who were all working at Kincardins Nucular Power plant. 2 months later he says he is living at a womens home who has a big house and she rents rooms out. Yep..stupid me.

He left me for her...had another baby with her. 7 yrs later she dumped him. Still to this day he is paying her allamony.

I am so ****ing dumb.
He wont leave. I want him out. I'm a happy friendly person. He brings me down.

Tonight he rents a movie. A guy from England who is fair skin..has sex with a dark skinned Indian women..then the lead guy goes home to his English wife and son. I wanted to puke and walked out of the room.

I have not taken down our xmas tree. I started today. I cried..and cried. Damn tree has been with me for 2 marriages now... My tears mostly were because my 27 yr old daughter was to come home next week from Orlando. Now she is not coming home till Feb now. I dn't ever want another xmas where I'm bought the best by him to shadow what he has done to me. In Nov he brings me a $1500 Bulgari purse from the duty free store in Mexico. Maybe hours after he left his Mexican mistress? Dec he buys me a top GPS system and a fur coat.

I"m so ashamed. I did notta wrong but I fear my oldest and my teens will blame me.

I have enough air miles points on my Visa to do a long haul. I want to return to Japan to stay with my cousin in Toyko for months if I have to.

Can I drop off the earth?

[kingofthegeeks]

I got to chat with you quite a bit back in the day on CJM i think it was. You always struck me as a very caring and considerate person and i know you will carry through this. I will not try to pretend and tell you it will be okay since i have never loved someone for 20+ years only to have them betray me, but i will say, that there WILL come a point when you will see this for what is is as a positive turning point in your life. Its certainly not going to be tomorrow, or next week, or likely even next year, but the time will come when you realise it was the best thing. You deserve, as all of us a happy, trusting relationship with someone that believes the sun rises and the moon sets at your feet. I have faith, that you will get through this, you are too quality a person not too.

p.s. i'm sure if you asked a big ass posse would be available to persuade him to vacate!

[St]

Wow very shocked to here the bad news.Please try to slow down on the Booze,but go see your doctor to help you sleep,without sleep your health will go to shit.

[warlock]

Love u all.

I will NOT go back to what we were.

He says..."Go **** yourself" I have been the dog for 25 yrs. I get kicked when his life goes amis. Who talks to the one they love like that?

He has not hit me but has pushed me so hard I went face first at the gym.. I have seen the guys there who seen this several times come over to us to try to diffuse the situation.

I am so ****ing dumb.

He wont leave. I want him out. I'm a happy friendly person. He brings me down.

In Nov he brings me a $1500 Bulgari purse from the duty free store in Mexico. Maybe hours after he left his Mexican mistress? Dec he buys me a top GPS system and a fur coat.

I"m so ashamed. I did notta wrong but I fear my oldest and my teens will blame me.

I have enough air miles points on my Visa to do a long haul. I want to return to Japan to stay with my cousin in Toyko for months if I have to.

Can I drop off the earth?

No you can't drop off the earth but you can drop in a lawyers office and get things done... I am not trying to be funny at all.

You are lovely loving lady (needless to say hot as hell) and expensive gifts don't make up for the fact that he is a ****, anyways you have not done anything wrong, he can't realize that he committed mistakes and should change his ways and is committing the mistake #1 in many relationships: he is taking you for granted!

You are far from dumb, there is no reason for you to be ashamed and your kids have no reason to blame you for anything.

Stop drinking, start moving towards living the life that you deserve.

w

[Redz]

Its not your fault and your kids will not blame you. I have had 2 dead beat dads, my birth father and my step father(who adopted me when I was 4) both walked out on my family. I don't hold my mother responsible for any of it. Men can be jerks in my past I was not always faithful but with the girl I am with now (my wife) I could never cheat on her. I just couldnt do it I love her too much. If a man cheats on you than you deserve better. There is more out there for you and you will get through this!

[UkrainianGuy]

*hugs*


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