Dealing with unsupportive family members

[L3]

So this is my last semester at university before I graduate, and I made the mistake of moving back in with my parents for 4 months so I could save money while I was still in school.

This morning I weighed in at 217 , im 5'11, I took my bf% with calipers it averaged out to 15%. About year ago I was a solid 165 lbs at 13-14% bodyfat (guesstimate). Unfortunately, my body likes to store most of the fat in and around my face, so while my arms are vascular and you can almost see my abs, my face is chubbers, to say the least, oh and im also sporting a gut most of the time since im full of food. Now, I love the way I look, and its wintertime so I am trying to bulk up as much as possible. Some issues are coming up where my 17 1/2" collar shirts are a little to tight, my dress pants size 36 are a hassle to get into.

The point of this rant, my parents, especially my mom, have become very unsupportive of my new phisique in the past 4 months (ever since I started gear). Mainly its my Mom. At first it started with "omg L3 you look like a dumb wrestler guy", then it moved onto "omg L3 girls wont like you, they don’t like big guys", then it went to "omg L3 youre sooooo fat" - at that point I was finishing my first cycle @ 195lbs so my body looked like the pics I have uploaded in my photo album on the forum, I had veins running my up stomach for ****s sake.

Every day just constant nagging ever since I moved back in. In the past 2 months:
"L3 youre so fat",
"L3 you have a ass like a black guy",
"L3 you walk like a pregnant lady",
"L3, girls don’t like your body, trust me, I know",
"L3 youre gross, im only saying this cause I love you and I want you to look good",
"L3 I want my son back who was sophisticated looking not some gorrilla".
These are literally things shes said to me word for word.

So this has been going on for the past 4 months about, and w/e im not too sensitive of a guy so it doesn’t bother me that much, its just so ****ing annoying to have to hear the same shit day after day.

Ok, so what kindof pushed me over the brink and need to vent, was last night, I had to do a formal presentation so I dressed in a shirt tie dress pants, all of which were too ****ing tight but w/e. Anyways I get home wearing this, my mom immediately is all like
"OH NO!!! OH NO!!! Youre so gross. Now you look like just like a fat canadian! Is that what you want to look like a fat canadian with a huge ass a a gut and a fat face????" (I should throw in that im not canadian by birth).
The bitch is literally yelling this at me as im laughing at her, ok I was a still a little stoned from earlier.

Man I ****ing love thte way I look. I put in so many hours at the gym day after day even when I was sick I would still forcefeed myself and go train. Not to mention the amount of $$$ I spent on OTC supplements and vitamin T. Ive tried explaning to my mom "mom, winter is where you put on weight, summer is where you loose the fat" but she doesn’t ****ing listen.

And yes I am moving back out in february (hoping that I get a permanent position at my job) but I feel like it will just get worse. The way I see it, I spend a lot of time around my parents now, so they are used to seeing me, so changes in my weight don’t seem so drastic unless they see me wearing my old clothes. But when I move out, ill only visit them 1ce every 1 or 2 weeks, so I will look drastically different if I add on another 15lbs.

I know most of you guys are older have families of your own so you, but how do you deal with family members who are so unsupportive?

/rant

[buffdaddy]

My gut instinct would be to tell you to tell them to **** right off. Pretty bad when your own Mom is criticizing your appearance. i would always try to give my kids self encouragement and not try to make them self conscious on their appeearance if they were fat, skinny or whatever.

But since you are moving out in Feb I would just bite my tongue and get out so that there aren't any big blowouts.

[RagingRandy]

There comes a time in every mans life that he decides what is right for himself and sets his own course. You can not look back nor be worried about what others say, even if they are family. That being said, having a compatible wife is a godsend. I am blessed in this way. In the end when all is stripped away you only have you. You need to be happy\content with who and what you are.

Many times in life people will tell you you are making bad decisions or going the wrong way. What they are really saying is the decision you have made is not right for them. They are trying to impose their views on you.

The prejudiced that is being applied here is that people with muscle have no brains. Words like gorilla, and that you are not sophisticated in your current state proves this. This is as prejudicial as any ethnic, blond, insert criteria here, stereotype. These views are difficult to change, if they ever can be.

My only advice is choose your path and stick to it regardless of what others say. Because in the end you only have you. Decide who will dictate your life. You will always catch flack from someone when you take a stand. Also do not drop to their level of name calling and ignorance. Take the high road.

[Redz]

Most of my family is impressed with how I look and I cant really say anyone says anything weird to me other than the one cycle where I bulked up to 267lbs. That was a bit too much too fast. But now being in the 230's with a 6 pack I feel and look great and get nothing but compliments.

[buffdaddy]

There comes a time in every mans life that he decides what is right for himself and sets his own course. You can not look back nor be worried about what others say, even if they are family. That being said, having a compatible wife is a godsend. I am blessed in this way. In the end when all is stripped away you only have you. You need to be happy\content with who and what you are.

Many times in life people will tell you you are making bad decisions or going the wrong way. What they are really saying is the decision you have made is not right for them. They are trying to impose their views on you.

The prejudiced that is being applied here is that people with muscle have no brains. Words like gorilla, and that you are not sophisticated in your current state proves this. This is as prejudicial as any ethnic, blond, insert criteria here, stereotype. These views are difficult to change, if they ever can be.

My only advice is choose your path and stick to it regardless of what others say. Because in the end you only have you. Decide who will dictate your life. You will always catch flack from someone when you take a stand.

Good post bro, very true.

[#8]

Those are some harsh criticisms, especially coming from your mom. I feel for you as my mom told me a couple times in the middle of a bulk that I was getting kinda fat lol. I guess I kinda was so it was just "constructive" criticism at the time. Let it roll off your back till you move out.

BTW...."Not to mention the amount of $$$ I spent on OTC supplements and vitamin T"

What is vitamin T? And if its awesome, where do I get it?

[RagingRandy]

What is vitamin T? And if its awesome, where do I get it?

Hey...no source checks:p

I suppose you do not know what Vitamin V is either.

[#8]

Hey...no source checks:p

I suppose you do not know what Vitamin V is either.

Im confused, are you being serious?

vitamin V sounds like vitamin vagina to me.....i eat lots of that.....

[L3]

haha yea vitamin T (read: gear, juice) is the best investment i made with regards to bb'ing

i see what randy is saying, and im not letting what she says discourage me, but its just so annoying, like a broken record that says "YOURE UGLY" all day long.

i have no intention of dropping my bf% during the winter either, and considering its just starting, its gonna be a loooooooong 5 months till april-may, when ill start a cycle and drop bf and add more mass at the same time

i find it kidnof funny how she never asks me what my goal is, but shed probably freak if i told her. i havent told her what i weigh now, i dont need to add fuel to that fire.

i doubt moving out will solve my problem, but it will at least alleviate it

thanks for listening guys

[BAM]

.Now you look like just like a fat canadian! Is that what you want to look like a fat canadian with a huge ass a a gut and a fat face????"

A fat Canadian? I would have figured she'd say fat American. Americans are way fatter.

weird.

[#8]

you have a good head on your shoulders it seems dude. you'll figure it out in time.

[warlock]

Nagging is preciselly how women get what they want from men if othre ways don't work.

We are wired for teh big blow, teh yyeliing and screaming they are different.

Anyways...


You can say whatever you want to your parents right or wrong you're just a kid and your opinion does n't count. They truly believe that they always know what is best for you.

I have been in a similar situation and when my mother started to be annoying I would use always the same answer: don't worry you will not have to put up with his for too long in February I am gone.

Afterward whenever she started that type of behaviour again I'd explain to her once and if she insisted I'd just finish my visit right there. Do it twice that she will start to listen...

[gordi]

"omg L3 girls wont like you, they don’t like big guys",

"L3, girls don’t like your body, trust me, I know",




Get a hot girlfriend and bring her home, that'll at least quiet these criticisms :D

That totally reminds me of when I was living in Europe, in the Czech Republic. Bodybuilding was a REALLY fringe activity there (though there are tons of great Czech bodybuilders like Pavol Jablonicki, Tomas Bures, Lubos Cerny, Zuzana Korinkova, Pavla Brantlova...) Anyway, I was only about 215-225 at the time, but that was relatively HUGE by Czech standards. One of my happiest memories was the day my massage therapist went on an extended rant about how women found my body gross, and how I'd have to lose a lot of muscle weight to ever get a girlfriend. What made it great was that at the time I was occasionally having vigorous relations with her 24 year old daughter! I'm sure that some Czech women found me gross... but others went totally crazy for me. I'm not tall, rich, or handsome, so being big (and nice) is what gets girls to notice me. Sometimes it really helps to stand out from the crowd a bit.

But yeah, I can relate to your situation. My own mom never got why I'd want to look like this, and I heard it all the time while I was in Europe. Like you, I was happy with how I looked and had no plans to change, but it really can be wearing to hear the same criticism again and again.

Maybe mention to your mom, kindly and patiently, that some girls really do like big guys (it's definitely true, some really do). It might be worth a try.

[420]

The next time your mom says something negative about you. Grab her hand, look her in the eye, be serious and say "Mom... enough of this, please be considerate, your comments are very offensive to me and its difficult for me to deal with this constant criticism. If you don't have anything nice to say, please don't say it." Then walk away from her with your head faced down shaking your head left to right. Don't argue with her just leave her with those words to think about. Keep on a very serious face like you mean business. You have to communicate your feelings to your mother and not shrug it off. Communication will make or break a relationship.

[BAM]

Your Family is not canadian?

[RagingRandy]

Im confused, are you being serious?

vitamin V sounds like vitamin vagina to me.....i eat lots of that.....

Vitamin V = Viagra
Vitamin C = Cialis
Vitamin T = "Try a guess"

[Houstonbc]

that sucks man what is she gonna do if you get bigger? the only negative i got from my mom was she told me i was getting too fat in the midst of a bulk last winter when i hit 255 but she was right haha. If your mom doesnt stop the rude comments i would advise you to tell her to **** off and not talk to her for a few days, no mother wants to be estranged from their child so id imagine she would apologize and quit with the rude comments

[wrought]

Your Family is not canadian?

...and it sounds like his mom is a 22 year old valley girl...like OMG L3 you are sooooooo fat, lol. :D

Randy hit the nail on the head with his first reply. Its your life, walk your own path.

[physique]

you and i must have the same mom. lol

my mother use to do this too, not only with the sport of bodybuilding, but with my career choices aswell. it got to the point one day, where i couldnt take it anymore, and i hung up on her. i never spoke to her for 3 months, she would call and i wouldnt pick up(call display). she knew where i lived if she wanted to speak to me. i would still talk to my dad, by calling him at work, he didnt agree with me, but did understand why i did it.

mom finally came to my front door and apoligized. and she doesnt say anything about it anymore. i cant say though that are relationship is the best because of this event, but she knows now that i wont accept her tone or her opinions.

sometimes its take a drastic step to prove your point. i am not suggesting you do this, but each person is different in how much they will take, before something breaks.

[gordi]

One other thing: While I do agree in general that it's your life and you need to walk your own path... It really does help to have someone supportive around you. For example: As long as my wife supports my goals, there is no reason for me to care what anyone else has to say to try and tear them down. She is far from the only supportive person in my life (I'm pretty fortunate that way), but she's the key one. It's easier to stay on the path if you're not walking it totally alone, I think.

[RagingRandy]

One other thing: While I do agree in general that it's your life and you need to walk your own path... It really does help to have someone supportive around you. For example: As long as my wife supports my goals, there is no reason for me to care what anyone else has to say to try and tear them down. She is far from the only supportive person in my life (I'm pretty fortunate that way), but she's the key one. It's easier to stay on the path if you're not walking it totally alone, I think.

Agreed. I hinted to the importance of a supportive wife in my original post. I think that is the only exception. Like you I have a wife that is loving and supportive. Only a couple of the reasons I married her. She is a gem. I could not ask for anything more. If your wife is not supportive you need to take a long and hard look at your relationship.

[Stonewald Rockwater]

it seems like shes racist to me

[L3]

hey guys, i appreciate your responses very much... i might sound like a girl here but i dont really have a lot of support for this lifestyle, 95% my friends dont really understand it they just know i dont drink anymore, and even my brother who used to be very into training about 10 years ago is hating on me every time i see him, w/e hes fat now the prick...


Get a hot girlfriend and bring her home, that'll at least quiet these criticisms :D
i do have a girlfriend.. shes not the hottest girl ive dated but she definately is the smartest, most logical and successfull girl i know, and my parents know that. so any time shes over, my mom would be like "omg L3's GF, doesn't L3 look so big now? remember when he used to be tall and lean, now he looks so short, dont you think? can you tell him that you liked him more before, pleaseeeeee"...and this happends right infront of me, and the only thing it accomplishes is make my GF feel super awkward...

my gf is probably the only person who encourages me on this, she was very sketched out at first when i told her i was running gear, but then i made her watch BSF and i keep talking to her about it explaning in detail all the different effects etc, so over time she has come to accept it, which is amazing


The next time your mom says something negative about you. Grab her hand, look her in the eye, be serious and say
this would work with most people, but not for everyone and not in my case. all that would accomplish is her breaking out crying and saying somehting along the lines of "L3, *sob* *sob* your father and i love you soooooooo much, *sob* i am only telling you this because i love you *sob* and i just want you to undertsand that this isnt attractive *sob* you used to be the best looking boy and now youre not *sob*"


Your Family is not canadian?
no i was born in eastern europe but i was raised in the US then we moved up north. so basically i have a totally different cultural mind set than my parents or older brother. we clash on pretty much everything, and i dont really feel connected to my family.. but thats for another "waaah waaah im a emo bitch" post



it got to the point one day, where i couldnt take it anymore, and i hung up on her. i never spoke to her for 3 months
i will have to probably do something along those lines next year when im bulking. for now i can deal with it but once i start edging around 225-230 i feel like its gonna get ridiculous. by that time i will have moved out so it will be possible to do that...


it seems like shes racist to me
yes most if not all eastern europeans are (especially where im from), generally a lot of europeans are too, its a cultural thing...


so i still have another month and a half maybe 2 to spend at home then ill be moving in with a good buddy who also recently started training so it should be fun

again, thanks alot for the kind words

[jsv22]

man that is some pretty harsh shit. seems like theres some respect issues....maybe you should start criticizing her (you look fat in those pants LMAO)

Next time she confronts you infront of the GF, ask her to boast about how attractive you are to her now, etc....
she prob. wont say anything like that again in front of her....

-jsv

[jsv22]

A fat Canadian? I would have figured she'd say fat American. Americans are way fatter.

weird.

We aren't too far off anymore!