advise wanted: RE working away from the family

[_Z_]

just having some issues working through a decision and was hoping for some input from both sides.

i have recently decided that i don't want to run my own business anymore and have (fortunately) 2 offers of employment to choose from.

1) continue to do the same work (for another company but same clients as i have now) in this area. i pretty much hate it and would rather have a massive heart attack most days (not joking), but i'm home every night and there is a high level of familiarity with this area and the work involved.

2) work for a company doing similar but more interesting work in various areas. this option would keep me gone more than home, but there would be much greater job satisfaction and more expendable/investable income.

background: married 11 years, together 16. 2 children aged 3 and 6. wife stays at home for now, no intention of returning to the work force until our youngest is in school full time.

it's a double edged sword for me, either i'm home and miserable due to work or happy with work and miserable because i have to choose that over being with family.

pay rates are not really an issue, i'd make way more while away but not be hurting financially if i decided to stay.
chances of continuing any progress i've made with personal health/fitness goals while working away from home are not very good.

any opinions/advice here?

[_Z_]

wow what a clump of text, why is the line separation not working?

[Big D]

do you know approx how much time away from home ?

i'm sure your kids and wife would like to see a happy father, then a miserable one.

so lets say right now your home everyday but when you come home your always in a bad mood.

so lets say this new job you come home 4 nights of the week, but you come home full of energy and happy. i'm sure everyone would enjoy that a lot better.

[_Z_]

best estimate would be gone 10 home 4, could and would occasionally be up to 24-6

i have been trying it out the last couple of weeks and just been gone during the week and back late friday night, leaving again sunday afternoon. kind of sucks as i'm bagged the entire time i'm home.

i had an extra day today as when i leave tomorrow i'll be gone for 2.5weeks lol.
6 yr old doesn't like it for sure, but too early to tell if he can adjust or not.

also i should mention that this will eventually involve a move, but that won't change the fact i'd be working away from home. home would just be a different place.

[macka]

If they shack you in hotels a lot of them have some sort of gym, some only have cardio rooms. Diet is super easy once you get the hang of it. Go to the supermarket and buy precooked chicken, plain unflavoured. Buy brown rice in 250ml heatable packets, raw vegies and oatmeal. I also bring protein powder, greens and all my vitamins. I also have a laptop and use email and skype a lot to talk to my kids.

[_Z_]

i think it will be mostly hotels, i already am getting used to packing all my food with me, so i guess if they at least have some cardio stuff i shouldn't fall apart too bad

[69challenger]

With a 3 and 6 yr old at home, I wouldn't do it. They grow up so damn fast and you're going to miss it.

[Bojangles31]

I worked on the road for about 3 and a half years. It is very tough on kids around that 6yr old age and older. My oldest son at the time became very reclusive and quiet and my younger boy just became a complete terror when i was gone. It is very hard on relationships as well. I was and am very lucky to have a very understanding wife.

If you have to do it then do what Macka said and have a laptop and Skype with the family as much as you can, its way better than phone calls and the kids at least get to see you.


I guess the bottom line is sometime you have to make some sacrifices in life and either way it has to be whats best for you and your family.

[Delt King]

With a 3 and 6 yr old at home, I wouldn't do it. They grow up so damn fast and you're going to miss it.

I'd have to agree on this one! leave your bad mood at work, hit the gym hard then come home every night being thankful you have a wife and kids who love you. Then take up a hobby to enjoy yourself on weekends.

[_Z_]

can't believe i put advise, damn, in the thread title even......idiot
if you guys knew how much i rant about incorrect word usage and/or spelling you would jump all over that one lol.

thanks for the input all, it's very much appreciated.
given me lots to think about.

[macka]

can't believe i put advise, damn, in the thread title even......idiot
if you guys knew how much i rant about incorrect word usage and/or spelling you would jump all over that one lol.

thanks for the input all, it's very much appreciated.
given me lots to think about.

Damn, we are so used to the grammatically challenged here we just see past it.

[natenator]

I'd say only people who've been in his position should make comment. Its easy for those of us in glass houses to make comment that I wouldn't do this or I wouldn't do that.

As difficult as it is being away from your family I'm willing to bet going to a place for 8-10 hours every day that you simply HATE is just as bad and maybe worse?

PM turbotourist. I'm sure he'd have some good insight on this.

[macka]

I'd say only people who've been in his position should make comment. Its easy for those of us in glass houses to make comment that I wouldn't do this or I wouldn't do that.

As difficult as it is being away from your family I'm willing to bet going to a place for 8-10 hours every day that you simply HATE is just as bad and maybe worse?

PM turbotourist. I'm sure he'd have some good insight on this.

well considering I am usually away from my kids for 3 months at a time, I can chime in. Yes TT has way more experience, as he has been living this lifestyle for years. He was the one who clued me in to how tough things can get, and having a wife who is strong makes a huge difference. TT has a great woman, which has made things easier for him in a lot of ways as she isn't pressuring him to get home all the time. That makes a huge difference in how you make your decision.

[natenator]

well considering I am usually away from my kids for 3 months at a time, I can chime in. Yes TT has way more experience, as he has been living this lifestyle for years. He was the one who clued me in to how tough things can get, and having a wife who is strong makes a huge difference. TT has a great woman, which has made things easier for him in a lot of ways as she isn't pressuring him to get home all the time. That makes a huge difference in how you make your decision.
You weren't who I was talking to.

[dremen]

You should be where your family is, it's that simple IMHO.

Lots of people hate there ****ing jobs, but manage just fine to leave work at work and home at home. If you have a bad day at work take it out on the weights then go home and be an awesome father/hubby.

Best of luck:)

[turboturist]

Its hard to give suggestions or advice on this without knowing you, your wife and your kids because it is such a personal thing. But this is my 2 cents.


best estimate would be gone 10 home 4, could and would occasionally be up to 24-6

For me I def would not do it unless my time off was as least 50% of the time away. 14/7 - 28/14 etc. currently it is 35 days on/ 35 days off for me. Not enough time at home with the sched you quoted imo



With a 3 and 6 yr old at home, I wouldn't do it. They grow up so damn fast and you're going to miss it.
I 100% agree with this if you have what most people would consider a normal job but anyone that works in the patch or similar knows you are away a lot no matter how hard you try to be at home.

This is exactly why I started to work overseas. Doing the job I do now from home I was leaving before the kids got up, got back after they went to bed and worked up to 130 days without a single day off. I was also on call 24/7 so when the phone rang at 2am I had to get up and go, never knowing when I was coming home. So I never seen them even though I was at home.

Now even though I am not at home for 6 months of the year I get to see and spend much more time with them now. And when I am at home I am not on call so the quality time with the family is ten fold from what it was.


leave your bad mood at work,
Much easier said then done. I commend people that can do this but it is not me, I wear my heart on my sleeve and if I am pissed everyone around me knows it.


You should be where your family is, it's that simple IMHO.
Fine and dandy to say but for a lot of people this is next impossible and goes back to how much quality time you get to spend with your family, not just the amount of time.


Macka hit the nail on the head so to speak with the wife situation. If she is going to be hounding you all the time about not being at home it will not help the stress level. I had a guy's wife say to him one year that if he was not home for xmas she was leaving, even though the helicopters were not flying because of fog. What was he to do, ****in swim?? If you have to put up with this type of shit it def would not be worth it.

The suggestions to use skype etc to keep in touch is a good one, its cheap to call land line and free from comp to comp and easy to use.

As far as how the kids handle it, it obviously depends on the kid.

With our two little ones I just try and tell them the reasons I have to leave and why I am doing it and reassure them how I feel about them. Just make sure to keep an open relationship with them and let them know what is going on, and they are never to young to start this IMO. With our one son it helps for him to draw pictures or write how he is feeling when I am gone and he lets me read it when I get home. Some of the stuff tears me up but this way we both know how each of is feels and that it is not easy for me to leave. It really makes a difference in his behavior because it is an outlet, so instead of lashing out at his brother or the rest of the family for feelings he has cooped up or does not understand he gets them out and feels better.

If you have some specific question drop me a line if you like, I will try and help.

[Forever]

I'd say only people who've been in his position should make comment. Its easy for those of us in glass houses to make comment that I wouldn't do this or I wouldn't do that.


Wow Nate that analogy does not work. I think you were looking for "outside looking in"? If your in a glass house wouldn't you be "inside looking out". That's kind of the opposite of the idea you were looking to portray.

BTW: The people in the glass houses are supposed to be weary of rock throwing. ie if you are prone to getting a sore pussy over being teased, don't tease others. If you throw the rocks and they throw them back your glass house will get broken.

That is all I have to add to this thread.
Good luck making your decision.

[_Z_]

just wanted to thank everyone for the replies and update anyone that was interested in how this turned out.
i still have my company but am not running it as such at this time.
i was able hop on board with a local company that offered complimentary services in this area. it's been a month now and i'm still adapting to the whole working for someone else routine but am pretty happy with how things have turned out.
it's still the same stuff that i was getting pretty sick of as far as the work is concerned, but without the hassle of running the back end of the business on top of everything else i'm finding that i like what i do again.

[monkey]

My dad faced a similar situation when I was ten. Three weeks on ten home. Worked for a bit, but in the long run he became a stranger at home. He was not a part of our live's anymore. Your life moves on, wife and kids develop life without u and u can't. Expect everything to change back when ur home.

After a couple years, parents divorced and we statyed with mom. I grew up without a dad and my dad considers it to be his biggest mistale ever.

My two cents, every family has different dynamics

[faller]

I had a guy's wife say to him one year that if he was not home for xmas she was leaving, even though the helicopters were not flying because of fog. .

I had to chuckle when i read this. I remember a few years back in camp something similar happened. Before Sat. phones we had auto-tel so you could hear one side of the conversation up and down the coast in every camp.

This poor guy couldn't get out of camp for whatever reason and the wife said the "f***ing was starting Friday whether he was there or not". We all kinda laughed at the time but most of us felt pretty uncomfortable...

[JMP]

Work is always going to be there , there will always be days when you dont like it ....There is NOTHING that can replace missing time with your kids & trust me , they notice.

Our kids are our gold , every second you get ....use it wisely.

[faller]

But as a parent you also have the responsibility of making sure they are fed and clothed and sometimes skill levels, such as mine, for the most part required i work away from home for long periods at a time. It was the mere fact that i was in some shit hole camp for my family and knowing that life was made easier for them because of it that kept me going.

[JMP]

Agreed Faller , not saying you dont have to weigh these things and you did the right thing for your kids !!
Above post said money was about the same at each option ,

[faller]

Lol, here i am chatting away and completely forget what the OP was asking.. :p