tiramisu
05-08-2010, 06:59 PM
Chucky is a funny guy :)
http://www.charlespoliquin.com/Blog/tabid/130/EntryId/65/Dealing-With-Skinny-Know-It-All-Twirps-Part-1-Total-vs-Split-Routines.aspx
Dealing With Skinny Know-It-All Twirps Part 1: Total vs. Split Routines
Today, we are looking at an interview with your typical 19 year old skinny-know-it-all-twirp.
CP: How can I help?
SKITAT: I wanna to get a lot of mass!
CP: Can you be more vague?
SKITAT: I wanna gain 40 lbs of muscle.
CP: That would be a great idea. Looking at your calves, it looks like all you have done for them is to jump to conclusions. I am looking at the results of your BioSignature that my assistant just did on you. You are 182 cm tall, and weigh 61 kg, and your bodyfat is 17%. The average 8 year Somalian has more muscle mass than you.
SKITAT: How could that be? I train well.
CP: Train well? Whatever you have been doing has not been working, has it? Show me what you have been doing?
SKITAT: Here is my program:
A-1: Goblet squats 3 x 10-12 rest 90 seconds
A-2 Supine hip extensions on Swiss Ball 3 x 10-12 rest 90 seconds
B-1: Functional star lunges 3 x 10-12 rest 90 seconds
B-2 Prone planks 3 x Hold for 3O seconds
C-1 One arm Supine dumbbell press on the Swiss ball 3 x 10-12 rest 90 seconds
C-2 One arm dumbbell row 3 x 10-12 rest 90 seconds
D-1 See Saw Dumbbell press 2 x 10-12 rest 90 seconds
D-2 Bench Dips 2 x 10-12 rest 90 seconds
CP: I did not ask for your warm-up. How do you train?
SKITAT: That IS how I train?
CP: That is it? No wonder I have seen bigger arms on a chair.
SKITAT: What?
CP: That workout barely qualifies as a warm-up if you are 11 year old, and you are underweight to make the chess team. Let me guess, when your mom buys a dress shirt, she goes either for 2H or 4H collar size.
It is a good thing that Colonel Sanders is dead, he would be hunting after your legs.
What are Goblet Squats?
SKITAT: That is when you squat holding a dumbbell with two hands in front of your chest, you hold the dumbbell vertically like you would hold a goblet.
CP: The only time that would provide overload for your legs, is in a 74 year old Scottsdale anti-ageing nut of a woman who had severe nerve damage. The beautician had been injecting her legs with Botox instead of some lipotropic solution. Only severe nerve damage with a chemical warfare agent would qualify you someone for that minimal load squat. That is the one dumbest exercise I have ever seen prescribed. How often do you train with this program?
SKITAT: Three days a week.
CP: What sort of results did you get?
SKITAT: I gained three pounds.
CP: In how long?
SKITAT: 12 weeks.
CP: You got to be kidding me. At age 19, your age-matched citizens gained more weight than that just from normal hormonal output. How often do you shave?
SKITAT: Twice a week.
CP: Not your legs, your face.
SKITAT: Did not get there yet.
CP: ( Deep breathing, resisting the temptation to deliver a well placed front thrust kick to the bottom edge of the SKITAT’s sternum) Dude, it is about time you reconsider your training approach. Luckily for you, your mother wants you do to well and pays for these consults. She is a very fine woman, so I will help you out. The first thing you will do is start training four days a week for the first three weeks.
SKITAT: Won’t that throw me into a gross state of overtraining.
CP: Overtraining? Poor you, all those bowls Fruity Frosts and Captain Cocoa Blast did oxidize your brain through hyperinsulinemia!
You have the muscle tone of an overcooked linguini and the calf development of parrot.
Training four days a week is the bare minimum to start gaining size. That is white belt training in mass development. The program you did, did you get from the AA’s website?
SKITAT: Alcoholics Anonymous?
CP: No, Anorexics Anonymous! It is a program for if you do not want to want to gain mass.
SKITAT: The guy who wrote it says that training more than three times a week is overtraining, that you should only train the whole body in workouts if you want to gain mass, and that you have to use the best exercises.
CP: Listen to me Linguini Arms, this is complete hogwash. I had lunch with your training program design hero. He had a beer and fish and chips. The only thing he has been able to hypertrophy is his hair, because it is greasy. Looks like he combs it with cooled off bacon. Outside of the One Arm Dumbbell Row, all the exercises he recommends are only good if you are only very, very weak.
For example, the plank. If you have been hit by an eighteen wheeler, and extensive back surgery, maybe. For four workouts, maybe, once you got off the hospital bed.
Another gem of stupidity: One arm Supine dumbbell press on the Swiss ball The most a 180 pound guy will be able to use is about 45 pounds. Why? Because if you use more, you're going to flip over laterally Now, the same guy can use much more than 45 pounds to do regular flat dumbbell presses. You want to do supine presses to recruit the pecs, shoulder flexors and triceps. Why limit the load? So what's the point?
SKITAT: "Oh, it activates the core."
CP: Yeah, and to what degree? All you're doing is firing some lateral trunk stabilizers just to control yourself so you don't flip over, but you're not overloading the pressing muscles. Lets say balance was not an issue, you are firing motor units you don’t need, so it takes away neural drive from what you need. So again, this is just entertainment training. It's circus training and it doesn't do anything for your goal Papageiwaden.
SKITAT: Papaguy What?
CP: Papageiwaden. German for calves of a parrot. Their favorite word to describe a skinny wimp. Or would you prefer maigre-échine? the word that the French to describe you, means “skinny spine”. So before we meet again tomorrow, you must read this:
THE STRUCTURAL BALANCE FACTOR (http://www.charlespoliquin.com/ArticlesMultimedia/Articles/Article.aspx?ID=235) and WHY IT'S OK TO BE STRONG (http://www.charlespoliquin.com/ArticlesMultimedia/Articles/Article.aspx?ID=280)
So what are your two take home points for today?
SKITAT:
1. Training like a dork at best gives you the physique of a dork.
2. Got to learn how to use the calf machine.
CP: Tchüß Papageiwaden.
http://www.charlespoliquin.com/Blog/tabid/130/EntryId/65/Dealing-With-Skinny-Know-It-All-Twirps-Part-1-Total-vs-Split-Routines.aspx
Dealing With Skinny Know-It-All Twirps Part 1: Total vs. Split Routines
Today, we are looking at an interview with your typical 19 year old skinny-know-it-all-twirp.
CP: How can I help?
SKITAT: I wanna to get a lot of mass!
CP: Can you be more vague?
SKITAT: I wanna gain 40 lbs of muscle.
CP: That would be a great idea. Looking at your calves, it looks like all you have done for them is to jump to conclusions. I am looking at the results of your BioSignature that my assistant just did on you. You are 182 cm tall, and weigh 61 kg, and your bodyfat is 17%. The average 8 year Somalian has more muscle mass than you.
SKITAT: How could that be? I train well.
CP: Train well? Whatever you have been doing has not been working, has it? Show me what you have been doing?
SKITAT: Here is my program:
A-1: Goblet squats 3 x 10-12 rest 90 seconds
A-2 Supine hip extensions on Swiss Ball 3 x 10-12 rest 90 seconds
B-1: Functional star lunges 3 x 10-12 rest 90 seconds
B-2 Prone planks 3 x Hold for 3O seconds
C-1 One arm Supine dumbbell press on the Swiss ball 3 x 10-12 rest 90 seconds
C-2 One arm dumbbell row 3 x 10-12 rest 90 seconds
D-1 See Saw Dumbbell press 2 x 10-12 rest 90 seconds
D-2 Bench Dips 2 x 10-12 rest 90 seconds
CP: I did not ask for your warm-up. How do you train?
SKITAT: That IS how I train?
CP: That is it? No wonder I have seen bigger arms on a chair.
SKITAT: What?
CP: That workout barely qualifies as a warm-up if you are 11 year old, and you are underweight to make the chess team. Let me guess, when your mom buys a dress shirt, she goes either for 2H or 4H collar size.
It is a good thing that Colonel Sanders is dead, he would be hunting after your legs.
What are Goblet Squats?
SKITAT: That is when you squat holding a dumbbell with two hands in front of your chest, you hold the dumbbell vertically like you would hold a goblet.
CP: The only time that would provide overload for your legs, is in a 74 year old Scottsdale anti-ageing nut of a woman who had severe nerve damage. The beautician had been injecting her legs with Botox instead of some lipotropic solution. Only severe nerve damage with a chemical warfare agent would qualify you someone for that minimal load squat. That is the one dumbest exercise I have ever seen prescribed. How often do you train with this program?
SKITAT: Three days a week.
CP: What sort of results did you get?
SKITAT: I gained three pounds.
CP: In how long?
SKITAT: 12 weeks.
CP: You got to be kidding me. At age 19, your age-matched citizens gained more weight than that just from normal hormonal output. How often do you shave?
SKITAT: Twice a week.
CP: Not your legs, your face.
SKITAT: Did not get there yet.
CP: ( Deep breathing, resisting the temptation to deliver a well placed front thrust kick to the bottom edge of the SKITAT’s sternum) Dude, it is about time you reconsider your training approach. Luckily for you, your mother wants you do to well and pays for these consults. She is a very fine woman, so I will help you out. The first thing you will do is start training four days a week for the first three weeks.
SKITAT: Won’t that throw me into a gross state of overtraining.
CP: Overtraining? Poor you, all those bowls Fruity Frosts and Captain Cocoa Blast did oxidize your brain through hyperinsulinemia!
You have the muscle tone of an overcooked linguini and the calf development of parrot.
Training four days a week is the bare minimum to start gaining size. That is white belt training in mass development. The program you did, did you get from the AA’s website?
SKITAT: Alcoholics Anonymous?
CP: No, Anorexics Anonymous! It is a program for if you do not want to want to gain mass.
SKITAT: The guy who wrote it says that training more than three times a week is overtraining, that you should only train the whole body in workouts if you want to gain mass, and that you have to use the best exercises.
CP: Listen to me Linguini Arms, this is complete hogwash. I had lunch with your training program design hero. He had a beer and fish and chips. The only thing he has been able to hypertrophy is his hair, because it is greasy. Looks like he combs it with cooled off bacon. Outside of the One Arm Dumbbell Row, all the exercises he recommends are only good if you are only very, very weak.
For example, the plank. If you have been hit by an eighteen wheeler, and extensive back surgery, maybe. For four workouts, maybe, once you got off the hospital bed.
Another gem of stupidity: One arm Supine dumbbell press on the Swiss ball The most a 180 pound guy will be able to use is about 45 pounds. Why? Because if you use more, you're going to flip over laterally Now, the same guy can use much more than 45 pounds to do regular flat dumbbell presses. You want to do supine presses to recruit the pecs, shoulder flexors and triceps. Why limit the load? So what's the point?
SKITAT: "Oh, it activates the core."
CP: Yeah, and to what degree? All you're doing is firing some lateral trunk stabilizers just to control yourself so you don't flip over, but you're not overloading the pressing muscles. Lets say balance was not an issue, you are firing motor units you don’t need, so it takes away neural drive from what you need. So again, this is just entertainment training. It's circus training and it doesn't do anything for your goal Papageiwaden.
SKITAT: Papaguy What?
CP: Papageiwaden. German for calves of a parrot. Their favorite word to describe a skinny wimp. Or would you prefer maigre-échine? the word that the French to describe you, means “skinny spine”. So before we meet again tomorrow, you must read this:
THE STRUCTURAL BALANCE FACTOR (http://www.charlespoliquin.com/ArticlesMultimedia/Articles/Article.aspx?ID=235) and WHY IT'S OK TO BE STRONG (http://www.charlespoliquin.com/ArticlesMultimedia/Articles/Article.aspx?ID=280)
So what are your two take home points for today?
SKITAT:
1. Training like a dork at best gives you the physique of a dork.
2. Got to learn how to use the calf machine.
CP: Tchüß Papageiwaden.