I'd like some advice.

[Rhinobolt10]

Hey guys, I could use some help.

Typically I generally handle things on my own, but lately, I've just been having the worst time of my life. I know that's a pretty bold statement... but I think it's actually true. I can't concentrate, barely want to get our of bed, having problems doing anything, feel stuck in mud all day long, and the worst part is that I can't enjoy myself right now. I can barely get through a work out unless I'm completely distracted. I feel like I want to cry most of the time, but it just doesn't happen.

So, in Early October I broke up with my gf. We'd been dating for a couple years, and we were very serious, but shit just piled up too high, to the point where I didn't feel safe with her anymore, and just wanted out.

Basically what happened was she bought a 45k car (half down and half thru payments) without really talking with me about it, we did talk about it, and I told her to wait until we closed out our business and figured out exactly where we stood financially. One day she told me she was going with her parents the next day to get it. Since, this is the girl I was planning on marrying, I wasn't too thrilled.

A week later or so, she went thru the txts on my phone, my email accounts, my facebook, my comp trying to fins pics of girls. She's found my gear stash, and one day when I finally told her about it, she told me she'd known for months.

At that point... I was gone. I mean, that's not everything, there's a pile of other shit that happens in a relationship that pisses you off, but these were things that were big for me.

So I bailed out, and almost immediately met another girl, and I waited a while until things felt right, then I asked my ex, if she was ok with me dating. She said yes, and for a month or so I was dating a great girl.

Of course, we'd both just gotten out of relationships, and nothing was feeling or going right, and I wasn't being myself, and basically acting retarded. So we broke up a month later... and at one point, I'd even cheated on her with my ex.

We planned to still run the business together for one more year as it's at a point where I was finally making the money I've been trying to make for years. Our only condition was to not date anyone from within the company to keep professional, and limit bullshit.

So, me and my original gf slowly started getting back together, spending time together. I wasn't comitting to anything as I wanted to see some changes before I was comfortable being together for real. She came over and had x-mas dinner with my family, and we had a new years eve dinner together before going out with our friends to different places.

At this point, and the entire time she's telling me she loves me and wants me back, etc etc.

So shortly after that our work sent her on a trip for doing a certain sales volume. I don't get to go as my name isn't on the contract, which I don't really care about, and don't even have a passport.

she asks me to pick her up at the airport, and we start talking about the trip, we're laying in bed and she says a few funny things, so I ask if she did anything I'm going to be upset about.

Turns out she slept with a guy from the company.

Of Course, I'm completely flipping the **** out. At this point I completely understand murder suicides where a guy kills his wife then himself, and I wind up spitting in her face.

Over the next few days it comes out that she actually stayed an extra 2 days after the trip with this guy and she's been planning it for more than a month. So it wasn't just a weak drunken moment, the entire time she was telling me she loved me she was planning this shit.

As soon as we could we went to a couples counsellor we saw in the summer when work was driving us insane. After working through it, she said she did it to get even for breaking up with her.

Which is ****ed... but I believe it. Still completely ****ed.

So we made the agreement to not be with anyone else while we try to work it out.

One night, about a month ago, we were talking about finances, and I didn't realize how much money I'd spent... then I realized if I'd spent that much, she was definately broke, and if she was broke and still spending money, it was mine. Once again, I was pretty pissed off. At the time, I didn't really care that much, if she would have just asked I would have gladly told her to go right ahead, but she lied again.

Then probably 2 weeks ago, she went to use her bank card and it wasn't working. She went to the bank and our accounts were seized from her not paying her GST from the 2 years previously in her bizz when I wasn't a partner. So frig... kinda scarey as all my money is in that bank account, but what I personally have in there should be able to cover it and she can pay me back at the end of the year.

Turns out, the account is almost empty, when I should have a shit ton of money in there. So basically, all my money was gone, and now it's seized by the gov't.

The account is in her name, everything is basically in her name. Please try not to focus on that... I know it was stupid, but it's one of those things where I was never worried about her bolting with my money. She comes from a wealthy family, and I know I never really have a worry there.

So, she stole all my money, and whatever she didn't spend is gone. So, I'm broke when I should be for one of the first times in my life financially stable.

Her family and me want her to keep the car, cause it was such a big thing for her. They're going to put the money up for the gst, and she can pay me back at the end of this year for what she took from me.

It's just... ****...

The whole thing is ****ed, she's ****ed, and I don't really know what to do, except I do know what to do...

She is now seeing a therapist once a week, which I demanded or I was gone. She's promising change, and I want to be there for her in a really tough time, and part because I need to make sure that I make all my money back and then profit from this year.

I see a therapist once a week or so... which I do for a few reasons: I want to continue on in business and the only way to develop yourself is to know yourself and work thru your shit. It's good and I feel I owe it customers and employees to not be a head case and be able to treat them all fairly. Also, one day I want to have children, and I owe it to them to be able to raise them to become functioning human beings and not have to deal with the shit my parents have done to me. (which could be a whole other post, but hey, we all have it).

So basically, what I want to do know, is to be there for her and give her the chance to change, and support her while she grows into an adult, she's only 21 right now.

It's just, I don't have anyone supporting me, what friends I've shared this with think I'm a ****ing idiot and should cut her head off. But honestly, there head cases themselves and need therapy way more than me and my gf... Still, I'm a mess and unless I'm distracted I can barely handle what's going on in my life right now.

I'd really like it if people could chime in and let me know what they think, opinions, just about anything really. I know it's been a long read... but I wanted to put it out there and let the chips fall.

[LonelyBedouin]

Well if shes now putting in the effort to try and improve herself through therapy and better the relationship, theres no reason to cut her off and leave. She obviously cares about you and the relationship or she wouldnt have agreed to go.

As for this business vacation, if it were me, I would ask her not to go on any anymore. If thats possible. Again she needs to earn your trust again.

Shes still young and still has tons to learn, so Im sure you can be there to support her and she can be there to support you as well. So maybe you might want to bring some of these things up with her? If you have not already.

[Shaun]

Leave the bitch for good. Seriously. Its so clear cut its not even funny. You have found a succubus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Succubus).

She will drain you emotionally, financially and physically as well. You've got 99 problems son, and the bitch is the BIGGEST one.

[BAM]

Get rid of it.

[VINZI]

she's trash, be happy she's out of your life...There is nothing more beautiful than one day after the other...move on , there is a huge world out there.

[kloan]

Outside looking in, if you were to ever cut her loose again, wait at least until you get paid back everything she owes you.

Sounds like you've been taken advantage of on more than a few occasions, which really sucks because it sounds like you're a genuinely good person and don't deserve that kind of bullshit.

In any case, hang in there man. Hopefully it works out without much more heartache. Try not to lose sight on your personal goals either. You need to at least have that to hold you together. If you let that slip through your grip, it'll only make you feel worse. Try to use all of the negative things that have happened to fuel your fire in the gym and keep you motivated to lift, no matter how trivial it may seem right now.

[pseclint]

you sound like a good guy with good goals, great head on his shoulders and even willing to give numerous second chances. Thing is a girl cheats and gets away with it she thinks she can do it again, girl robs your ass and its ok, she thinks she can do it again....... girl lies to you, goes and does shit behind your back, she thinks she can do it again.

This girl is not giving you the respect you deserve bro. Its plain and simple to see, she is using immature tactics like ****ing co-workers to get back at you. That is retarded!!!!!!

Do your self a huge favor, get the money back and let her go. Because when that happens she will be 22 and its clear you want a 21 year old lol......

Best of Luck bro!

[cog]

How much do you need her in a business sense?

[revolution187]

she's gotta go, if u take here back she will do it again, maybe not right away but eventually she will cause its in her nature...ur telling a pitbull not to fight...ur telling a dog not to chase the cat...ur telling an asian not to eat rice...u get the point U CANT TURN A HO IN A HOUSEWIFE

[Talo]

The two of you have been through alot and your both young ( not sure how old you are ) . Now your both seeking help . Trust me people can change in time . In fact we all change in time and by seeking help hopefully it will be for the better.

Like you said you want to be there for her now more than ever and that is what makes a relationship. It's easy to be there for someone when the times are good , this will make you two stronger in time.

I or anyone else can't say that she will change , but atleast she is trying and that is what's important right now.

Not really sure what to say .... Goodluck.

[RagingRandy]

She is obviously an immature child. If she is actually willing to change she needs to make restitution for what she has done. I think her selling the car and giving you the proceeds would be a good first step. People need to stop making excuses for her and being lenient. She will never grow up until people stop treating her as a child. She needs to start owning her responsibilities.

[dremen]

I say quit leting this ****ing bitch walk all over you bro. Sorry to hear of your situation right now, but IMHO any man that has his funds under a womans name is just ASKING for trouble.

You sound like a really nice guy so maybe you need to cut this chick out of your life FOR GOOD and pick yourself up again and try to rebuild everything. Like if you don't cut ALL ties to her ASAP she's just going to **** you over again for sure and if you let it happens it's not going to be anyone elses fault.

Start a new buisness or get a different job, save up your cash again and go break some ****ing powerlifting records bro, like SMASH EM UP...lol;)

This chick is poison bro so worry about you and YOUR future, not her.

Best wishes big guy:)

[daande]

If you think shes worth it give her a chance. However, get all your bank accounts and shit in your name. Do not give her access to your money. She ****ed up once with it which is more than enough **** up's when it comes to money. Would you invest your money twice in with an investment broker who lost all your money once?

[Flexxx]

As for the money aspect, if you get paid back, and you stick around keep your accounts seperate. She obviously does not have the responsibility to manage hers. 2 years of not paying GST. They send MANY letters and phone calls about that. Trust me I run a business as well and had my accounts seized years ago for no payment (I wasn't making enough money to pay them).

As for her as a person. You might be more understanding than me, but I might be selfish or possessive, but if my wife ever cheated on me, or worse yet, planned a sexual escapade with coworker, she would be out of my life for good. I have always trusted women until they give me a reason not to. Once that happens I could never trust them again.

Sorry to hear you are getting stringed around so much, women can really mess with us. Gonna need years of therapy by the sounds of it to trust one fully again.

Not sure how old you are, but she sounds very immature, even for a 21 year old. I always found the young ones nices to look at, but as soon as they open their mouth it kills it for me.

[Rhinobolt10]

Hey Guys,

thanks so much for everyone who replied and took the time to read through my post, no matter what you said or how you said it, I appreciate every word.

I'd like to take the time to respond, and I want to make sure I'm not coming off as defensive or anything like that, as I really appreciate everything that everyone is doing for me here.

Once again, from the bottom of my heart, thank you.

BTW, I'm mid 20's and we had the bank account in her name as it was already set up, and we generally keep everything in 1 account as cashflow for us is generally a nightmare.

[Rhinobolt10]

Well if shes now putting in the effort to try and improve herself through therapy and better the relationship, theres no reason to cut her off and leave. She obviously cares about you and the relationship or she wouldnt have agreed to go.

As for this business vacation, if it were me, I would ask her not to go on any anymore. If thats possible. Again she needs to earn your trust again.

Shes still young and still has tons to learn, so Im sure you can be there to support her and she can be there to support you as well. So maybe you might want to bring some of these things up with her? If you have not already.

Thanks for replying.

I think we've brought up most issues and are working right now to tackle everything head on no matter what it is.

I'll do my best to support her, as in the past one of the only reasons I've had money in my pocket is because of her.

Thanks again.

[Rhinobolt10]

Leave the bitch for good. Seriously. Its so clear cut its not even funny. You have found a succubus (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Succubus).

She will drain you emotionally, financially and physically as well. You've got 99 problems son, and the bitch is the BIGGEST one.

Hey man, thanks for the reply.

You hit really close to the mark dude... it's scarey... I want to work through this.... but I'm going to keep your words in the back of my mind.

[Rhinobolt10]

Get rid of it.


Lol... thanks for the reply.

I'll give her the chance to change... and I'll forgive if I can, never forget, and if anything like this comes up again after we've worked through it... we know what to do.

thanks again for reading through everything.

[Rhinobolt10]

she's trash, be happy she's out of your life...There is nothing more beautiful than one day after the other...move on , there is a huge world out there.

Thanks for reading through everything man.

Sounds like you've had experience with this kinda crap.

You're right, when I broke up with her at the start I was the happiest I'd ever been in a while... Just as it went on, I couldn't stay away.

I'll give her a shot, and if not... I'll remember your words.

[Rhinobolt10]

Outside looking in, if you were to ever cut her loose again, wait at least until you get paid back everything she owes you.

Sounds like you've been taken advantage of on more than a few occasions, which really sucks because it sounds like you're a genuinely good person and don't deserve that kind of bullshit.

In any case, hang in there man. Hopefully it works out without much more heartache. Try not to lose sight on your personal goals either. You need to at least have that to hold you together. If you let that slip through your grip, it'll only make you feel worse. Try to use all of the negative things that have happened to fuel your fire in the gym and keep you motivated to lift, no matter how trivial it may seem right now.

DEFINATELY getting my money back no matter what. Which honestly I think will be a good thing as at the end of this summer, I'll have all my profit from the year, and last years profit as well, not a bad deal, and all I have to do is live broke for a while.

I've been taken advantage of sure, but I'm not choir boy or anything, 2-3 years ago she caught me fooling around, and after about 8 months of me working through things and making some changes we got back together... of course, the time we were broken up she managed to lie her ass off about a few things that piss me off quite a bit.

I've found it's a lot easier these days to keep my personal stress seperate from most things, I'm not using this as an excuse to cheat on my diet, tho at times I find it very hard to train.

Thanks again for reading through everything.

[Rhinobolt10]

you sound like a good guy with good goals, great head on his shoulders and even willing to give numerous second chances. Thing is a girl cheats and gets away with it she thinks she can do it again, girl robs your ass and its ok, she thinks she can do it again....... girl lies to you, goes and does shit behind your back, she thinks she can do it again.

This girl is not giving you the respect you deserve bro. Its plain and simple to see, she is using immature tactics like ****ing co-workers to get back at you. That is retarded!!!!!!

Do your self a huge favor, get the money back and let her go. Because when that happens she will be 22 and its clear you want a 21 year old lol......

Best of Luck bro!

I for sure hear you on being worried it's going to come up again, and I'm being damn sure she's learning her lesson. IE, seeing a therapist to figure out why she's lying, as well as paying me back every dime and running a large business for the next 7 months for basically 0 profit. I think if she pulls that off... I can ease off a bit... I hoe.

I'm getting the money back for sure, no matter what, and I'm running this business again to make sure that happens.

Thanks again for reading through everything and taking the time to reply.

[Rhinobolt10]

How much do you need her in a business sense?

Right this minute, a lot. Come September, not so much, or at all.

Thanks again for reading through everything.

[Rhinobolt10]

she's gotta go, if u take here back she will do it again, maybe not right away but eventually she will cause its in her nature...ur telling a pitbull not to fight...ur telling a dog not to chase the cat...ur telling an asian not to eat rice...u get the point U CANT TURN A HO IN A HOUSEWIFE

Well, this is the first time she's ever ****ed around on a guy... guess I'm the lucky one, and I don't think she's lying about it... which is one of the big reasons I was so floored. I never, ever thought she would do something like that.

Of course,.. I'm not above getting some revenge myself to even things out.. but honestly, I'm a little worried she'd find out, and what she'd do after that...

Thanks again for reading through everything.

[Rhinobolt10]

The two of you have been through alot and your both young ( not sure how old you are ) . Now your both seeking help . Trust me people can change in time . In fact we all change in time and by seeking help hopefully it will be for the better.

Like you said you want to be there for her now more than ever and that is what makes a relationship. It's easy to be there for someone when the times are good , this will make you two stronger in time.

I or anyone else can't say that she will change , but atleast she is trying and that is what's important right now.

Not really sure what to say .... Goodluck.

Thanks for all the kind words bud, I think we're in line with hoping for the best hear... I'm still planning for the worst just in case.

Thanks again.

[Rhinobolt10]

She is obviously an immature child. If she is actually willing to change she needs to make restitution for what she has done. I think her selling the car and giving you the proceeds would be a good first step. People need to stop making excuses for her and being lenient. She will never grow up until people stop treating her as a child. She needs to start owning her responsibilities.

I completely agree she's acted very very childishly... but, I mean, she is a girl... it's what we put up with lol.

Our big focus for the next 7 months is her making this up to me financially and emotionally... so owning up to everything... if she does it great... if not, I'll make sure I get the money, then bail out for good.

Thanks again for taking the time to read through everything.

[Rhinobolt10]

I say quit leting this ****ing bitch walk all over you bro. Sorry to hear of your situation right now, but IMHO any man that has his funds under a womans name is just ASKING for trouble.

You sound like a really nice guy so maybe you need to cut this chick out of your life FOR GOOD and pick yourself up again and try to rebuild everything. Like if you don't cut ALL ties to her ASAP she's just going to **** you over again for sure and if you let it happens it's not going to be anyone elses fault.

Start a new buisness or get a different job, save up your cash again and go break some ****ing powerlifting records bro, like SMASH EM UP...lol;)

This chick is poison bro so worry about you and YOUR future, not her.

Best wishes big guy:)

Lol... I agree, I was retarded for trusting her to not be a girl. From here on out, I'll be checking every bank statement every month.

Thanks again, for the immediate future, we need each other, and I want to be around to make sure I get my money back, then all the profit for this year as well.

After that, time for the big decisions of if this can work, or if it's time to rebuild.

Thank you.

[Rhinobolt10]

If you think shes worth it give her a chance. However, get all your bank accounts and shit in your name. Do not give her access to your money. She ****ed up once with it which is more than enough **** up's when it comes to money. Would you invest your money twice in with an investment broker who lost all your money once?

I agree with you man, all the way. Right now swicthing everything around bank account wise would just be a nightmare, with suppliers and gov't and everything else.

My plans are to just monitor everything very tightly, which I am completely able to do, and just ensure nothing happens again.

Thanks for taking the time to read through everything.

[Rhinobolt10]

As for the money aspect, if you get paid back, and you stick around keep your accounts seperate. She obviously does not have the responsibility to manage hers. 2 years of not paying GST. They send MANY letters and phone calls about that. Trust me I run a business as well and had my accounts seized years ago for no payment (I wasn't making enough money to pay them).

As for her as a person. You might be more understanding than me, but I might be selfish or possessive, but if my wife ever cheated on me, or worse yet, planned a sexual escapade with coworker, she would be out of my life for good. I have always trusted women until they give me a reason not to. Once that happens I could never trust them again.

Sorry to hear you are getting stringed around so much, women can really mess with us. Gonna need years of therapy by the sounds of it to trust one fully again.

Not sure how old you are, but she sounds very immature, even for a 21 year old. I always found the young ones nices to look at, but as soon as they open their mouth it kills it for me.

She's saying she never once got a call about the gst thing... our company is a franchise, so I've heard lots of stories about similar things... our problem was she thought it was done, just her accountants are kinda dumb, and what she was paying through income tax she thought included her gst as well cause it was so much.

Long story short, we're sorting that out, and taking the last few years income tax to a different accountant to get some money back.

As soon as I can I will seperate accounts, right now we have some weeks where 30k can go in and out of the account and we need all the money we can keep in there just to keep our cash flow going smooth for a month or two until we get out of the hot spot.

I hope that doesn't sound like a cop out, but at this point I really feel a seperate account will hurt my business very much, and I owe it to employees and clients to make sure this doesn't happen.

Thanks again for reading through everything, I really appreciated hearing your feedback.

[Durk]

She is obviously an immature child. If she is actually willing to change she needs to make restitution for what she has done. I think her selling the car and giving you the proceeds would be a good first step. People need to stop making excuses for her and being lenient. She will never grow up until people stop treating her as a child. She needs to start owning her responsibilities.

^^^this

I would make like the steve miller band......take the money and run.

[physique]

As for the money aspect, if you get paid back, and you stick around keep your accounts seperate. She obviously does not have the responsibility to manage hers. 2 years of not paying GST. They send MANY letters and phone calls about that. Trust me I run a business as well and had my accounts seized years ago for no payment (I wasn't making enough money to pay them).

As for her as a person. You might be more understanding than me, but I might be selfish or possessive, but if my wife ever cheated on me, or worse yet, planned a sexual escapade with coworker, she would be out of my life for good. I have always trusted women until they give me a reason not to. Once that happens I could never trust them again.

Sorry to hear you are getting stringed around so much, women can really mess with us. Gonna need years of therapy by the sounds of it to trust one fully again.

Not sure how old you are, but she sounds very immature, even for a 21 year old. I always found the young ones nices to look at, but as soon as they open their mouth it kills it for me.

how do u not make enough money to pay them???? u collect gst on everything u sell. smart people set aside their gst in a separate account so its always there when its time to pay it.

but thats another story. as for rhino

i would cut your losses after she pays u back. but for right now severe her from the business and the business bank account. and keep all communication to a minimum. she isnt good for you. using her age as excuse isnt good man. if at 21 she has no morals, then she will never learn them. u can look at every excuse in the books and u know what to do deep down. its hard yes, but u sound like a smart man, cut your losses and move on.

who knows maybe u will cross paths again down the road and maybe she will change, but for now, i would get out

[Rhinobolt10]

how do u not make enough money to pay them???? u collect gst on everything u sell. smart people set aside their gst in a separate account so its always there when its time to pay it.

but thats another story. as for rhino

i would cut your losses after she pays u back. but for right now severe her from the business and the business bank account. and keep all communication to a minimum. she isnt good for you. using her age as excuse isnt good man. if at 21 she has no morals, then she will never learn them. u can look at every excuse in the books and u know what to do deep down. its hard yes, but u sound like a smart man, cut your losses and move on.

who knows maybe u will cross paths again down the road and maybe she will change, but for now, i would get out

I hear ya brother, but cutting out now I lose the money I should have, and all my profit from the biz we're setting up for the summer... which is quite a bit...

Come September it's a good time to rethink things I think.

It's a tough one for sure.

But thanks for taking the time to reply as I really appreciate hearing a businessmans perspective.

[Big D]

i've read your post and all the replies.

your telling us your going to try and work this out with her. ?

you should step back and read your first post, you make it very hard for anyone to like this girl.

she stole your money and broke your heart, and to be honest you seem more concerned about your money,

you should really consider moving on,

wait to get your money back but still move on man. much more ladies out there that are successful, educated etc.... its always nice to have a best friend, not an immature girl that pulls a fit when she don't get her way, know what I mean?

[Rhinobolt10]

I hear ya man.

The deal right now is that we aren't exactly together, but we aren't see anyone else. Which I'm fine with. And, if come September she hasn't made this up to me, financially and emotionally and restored my trust... I'm gone.

I think in other circumstances, like we weren't running this biz together, and I could easily find another job I might do things differently.

6 months, if she can change great, either way I have to be around for work. After that, all bets are off.

Thanks again for replying.

[bobbyorr]

i have seen some things because I was right there with rhino... dont get me worng... he is no angel either... but get rid of the car, you dont need a sports car when you run a *** business

[j-dub]

i hate getting kicked in the nuts! are you masochistic in nature j/k

trust is gone and i hate to tell you this, 21 is adult and if she is not responsible now, it will only get worse. bail bail bail. gtfo and save your giggleberries.

http://i271.photobucket.com/albums/jj123/jonwaite/funnies/painful/d6ze7.gif

[gregdoucette]

21 my goodness thats all I needed to hear. Mine was 26 and thats was way too young. move on and cut ur loses. I been there sucks ass.

[benP]

It seems like you should probably try and move on but there's a whole bunch of unresolved shit that's keeping you guys together (the money, and all the time that you've invested into the relationship and eachother.) I would try and take a step back and re examine everything and figure out if you want to work it out because it's more convenient for you, or just because you've been together for so long (?) and it's become routine. but if not i would get my money back and cut it off.

[HULK]

Right now you are reacting emotionally (with your heart) and that's OK as long as you recognize there's a problem.

Should the problem continues (after counselling…ect) , then it's time to react intelligently (using your head). Understand that certain group of individuals are unable to change - ie. bi-polar, borderline.

I commend you on your loyalty but don’t make the common mistake of waiting forever for something that’s not meant to be. I wish you good luck Bro.

[R-Money]

tldr

[andrewT]

i've read your post and all the replies.

your telling us your going to try and work this out with her. ?

you should step back and read your first post, you make it very hard for anyone to like this girl.

she stole your money and broke your heart, and to be honest you seem more concerned about your money,

you should really consider moving on,

wait to get your money back but still move on man. much more ladies out there that are successful, educated etc.... its always nice to have a best friend, not an immature girl that pulls a fit when she don't get her way, know what I mean?


This guy put it perfectly. IF I was you I would do my best to get out fast. Participating in the woes of the fairer sex can be quite a rollercoaster!

Good luck and hope it all works out

[HULK]

tldr

OK, here's the simple version - Life is too short...