Common law - Can anyone recommend next course of action?

[scubadiver]

So I have a similar experience to the OP of the thread on "would you consider this cheating".

http://www.canadabodybuilding.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13755

Bummer because we've been living together and engaged for 2 years, been together for 6.

We talked and she said she's not sure what she wants and we've had problems for the last year and a half - lack of communication, lack of intimacy. I guess she feels she's selling herself short by settling for me (although all her friends tell me they're telling her she's making a huge mistake). Anyway she's given me the engagement ring back and said we have to figure out where we go from here.

The question was do i stay or do i go...I'll never know if she screwed the 3 black guys she was talking to. She says it was just curiosity because she's never been with a black dude, but she would never cheat. it was just online for shits and giggles and boredom. 2 of her ex-girlfriends who i stayed in contact with said she told them she screwed them and she said she had no guilt about it because I trusted her completely. Could they be telling the truth or being bitchy? I'll never know.

So I've decided to move on. Since we're common law and own a house together, for which I've made all the mortgage payments, do I need a lawyer or can I save some money and just split our assets 50/50? Then again I'm told common law there are no rights to 50% split as what you buy is yours, so I'm thinking legal advice would be good to get but try to avoid going to court.

My biggest fear is although she works full time and makes 30,000 bucks a year, I make twice as much as she does and she could ask for alimony as I paid the mortgage and her car insurance because I wanted to be supportive and have her pay for her night school and credit card debt. I don't know how to protect myself from this one.

Any advice? Perhaps someone can recommend a good legal person in the Mississauga area I can go to for advice? PM if you don't want to put a reference here.

Thanks.

[RagingRandy]

Common Law = Married
Get a good lawyer and get some advice.

If you have doubts of whether she will\has remained faithful, it is best to move on.

[guest]

Common Law = Married
Get a good lawyer and get some advice.

If you have doubts of whether she will\has remained faithful, it is best to move on.

ditto,

the black guy thing is disturbing.

[CanadianIron]

Put her in a 50 gallon drum and bury her.... kidding... but she definately cheated on you, no question about that.

Lawyer time...

[Durk]

That is super rare for a friend to rat her out. I would believe the friend 100%. Saying things like shes "just curious" pretty much means I am cheating, but I still want your money if we break up. Maybe even hire a PI to get evidence to save you from a financial Trouble.

get rid of her before she gives birth to your first son Jamal.

[PdH]

The fact that she may have cheated is irrelevant to the division of property. I'm a lawyer and I'd advise you to get a lawyer that specializes in family law forthwith. It's going to be messy and costly. I don't think alimony is going to be a major factor for you, though she may try. The courts have ruled in favour of self-sufficiency for many years now.

[gicantor]

If a slut cheats you should not have to pay a dime. End of story.

[natenator]

If a slut cheats you should not have to pay a dime. End of story.
And if a guy cheats?

[gicantor]

And if a guy cheats?

Then she is entitled to half cause he's a douchebag and should have kept a lock on his cock

[natenator]

Then she is entitled to half cause he's a douchebag and should have kept a lock on his cock
Hmm. If she cheats, she gets nothing but if he cheats he gets to keep half.

I see how your logic makes sense...

[gicantor]

Hmm. If she cheats, she gets nothing but if he cheats he gets to keep half.

I see how your logic makes sense...

If he paid for majority of it yes, **** man I just got off nightshift don't make me think nothing will make sense right now...i'm going to bed lol

[waderow]

OP. get a lawyer. you will need one

[Durk]

I wish stuff was more divyed up between yearly income, and money/assets brought into the relationship prior to common law/marriage.

Heres what my friends dad used to do:

He would make his G/f pay him cheques every month for rent making her only look like someone who rented off of him. She left him, and she could not take anything away from him. Smart man.

[natenator]

I wish stuff was more divyed up between yearly income, and money/assets brought into the relationship prior to common law/marriage.

Heres what my friends dad used to do:

He would make his G/f pay him cheques every month for rent making her only look like someone who rented off of him. She left him, and she could not take anything away from him. Smart man.
Let's see.

Early on in my relationship with my ex and when we move in together/bought a hhouse she made more than I. Considerably more. She was 4 years older and had already establisher her career. I was just getting going. She paid for the majority of things in the first 2-3 years of us owning our house including the down payment which came from her borring against her RRSP's.

By about the 4th year I was making more than her and by the 5, 6 and 7th years I was making 2-3 times more than she was. Nature of my industry for what I do.

Should I have had to lose out on my house during those first few years because she made more than I?

If you are going into a relationship with someone and thinking it to be a long-term thing then if you split up and half to split things equally then thems the breaks. Oh well.

[waderow]

Let's see.

Early on in my relationship with my ex and when we move in together/bought a hhouse she made more than I. Considerably more. She was 4 years older and had already establisher her career. I was just getting going. She paid for the majority of things in the first 2-3 years of us owning our house including the down payment which came from her borring against her RRSP's.

By about the 4th year I was making more than her and by the 5, 6 and 7th years I was making 2-3 times more than she was. Nature of my industry for what I do.

Should I have had to lose out on my house during those first few years because she made more than I?

If you are going into a relationship with someone and thinking it to be a long-term thing then if you split up and half to split things equally then thems the breaks. Oh well.

I own my half million dollar home, vehicles, business, and am pretty much the sole income provider between my fiancee and I. I pay for everything. If we were to split for any reason in the next couple years, I would help her out obviously, but I would not split 50/50. That's ****ing retarded. She is not going to win the lottery by splitting with me. I may buy a home and give her cheap rent as she carries my child. I may help her out with a down payment on a home. Who knows, but will I set her up for life just becasue she and I had a failed relationship? No

[nii]

I own my half million dollar home, vehicles, business, and am pretty much the sole income provider between my fiancee and I. I pay for everything. If we were to split for any reason in the next couple years, I would help her out obviously, but I would not split 50/50. That's ****ing retarded. She is not going to win the lottery by splitting with me. I may buy a home and give her cheap rent as she carries my child. I may help her out with a down payment on a home. Who knows, but will I set her up for life just becasue she and I had a failed relationship? No

Do you have a prenuptial agreement? If not, would you consider dating a white 24/m/tor? :sexy

[scubadiver]

I guess you guys are right. I should get a lawyer - better safe than sorry. Not worth it trying to save a few dollars. I guess I'm still in the phase of numbness and denial. 6 years is a lot to throw away.

[physique]

a buddy of mine just went thru this.
if u guys are adults and can do things without a lawyer go that route. it will save u oodles in the end.

all he did was go to a notary. they put everything on paper as to who would get what and gave that to the notory to draw up the papers. it took 6 weeks, and during this time he never left the house. he didnt want to go out and see anyone let along new mit. he didnt want to piss her off in otherwords in any way untuil everything was signed and delivered.

everyone says get a lawyer, but u know her the best. if u think u can do it without one then do it. i know my gf and i could of if we didnt get back together that is and we could do it again if it goes south.
but everyone is different.

[Praetorian]

So I have a similar experience to the OP of the thread on "would you consider this cheating".

http://www.canadabodybuilding.com/forums/showthread.php?t=13755

Bummer because we've been living together and engaged for 2 years, been together for 6.

We talked and she said she's not sure what she wants and we've had problems for the last year and a half - lack of communication, lack of intimacy. I guess she feels she's selling herself short by settling for me (although all her friends tell me they're telling her she's making a huge mistake). Anyway she's given me the engagement ring back and said we have to figure out where we go from here.

The question was do i stay or do i go...I'll never know if she screwed the 3 black guys she was talking to. She says it was just curiosity because she's never been with a black dude, but she would never cheat. it was just online for shits and giggles and boredom. 2 of her ex-girlfriends who i stayed in contact with said she told them she screwed them and she said she had no guilt about it because I trusted her completely. Could they be telling the truth or being bitchy? I'll never know.

So I've decided to move on. Since we're common law and own a house together, for which I've made all the mortgage payments, do I need a lawyer or can I save some money and just split our assets 50/50? Then again I'm told common law there are no rights to 50% split as what you buy is yours, so I'm thinking legal advice would be good to get but try to avoid going to court.

My biggest fear is although she works full time and makes 30,000 bucks a year, I make twice as much as she does and she could ask for alimony as I paid the mortgage and her car insurance because I wanted to be supportive and have her pay for her night school and credit card debt. I don't know how to protect myself from this one.

Any advice? Perhaps someone can recommend a good legal person in the Mississauga area I can go to for advice? PM if you don't want to put a reference here.

Thanks.

The law as it pertains to common law marriage is NOT even remotely the same as if you were really marrried.
You may want to speak to a lawyer about this just to feel more comfortable.
Here is a link with more info.... http://www.common-law-separation-canada.com/differences.htm

. Division of property. Upon a marriage ending, there is an automatic right to equalize family property acquired during the marriage. However, if you are in a common law relationship, you have no such right in Ontario. Instead, you must rely on the nebulous legal concept known as “unjust enrichment” - you must show that your common law partner was unjustly enriched at your expense. This is one of the most complicated areas in Canadian family law. As well, because it is so complicated, and there are no clear rules, it becomes very expensive and time-consuming to enforce your rights, and often people are unable to do so.

2. Possession of the matrimonial home. Upon a marriage ending, there is an automatic right to stay in the matrimonial home, even if it is not in your name. You have no such right in a common law relationship in Ontario - if your name is not on the home, you could simply come home one day and find yourself locked out.

3. Special treatment of the matrimonial home. If you are married, your matrimonial home is treated differently when dividing property in Ontario. Normally, when your marriage ends, the value of any property you owned when you married is yours -- it is not divided. This is not the case with the matrimonial home. If you own a home on your wedding day, your home is automatically divided between you and your spouse. This is not the case in a common law separation.

4. Spousal support. If you are married, you have an automatic right (or obligation) to receive (or pay) spousal support upon separation. If you are living in a common law relationship in Ontario, you do not obtain this right until you have lived together for three years, or are living in a relationship of some permanence and you are the natural or adoptive parents of a child.

5. Time limit to apply for spousal support. If you were married, you always have the right to apply for spousal support, no matter how long has passed since you separated. If you weren't married, you need to ensure that you apply for spousal support within 2 years of separation.

6. Orders restraining depletion of property. If you are married, and you believe that your partner will make his or her money disappear so that you can't divide the assets, you can get a court order stopping them from doing that. However, you have no such right in a common law relationship.

7. Succession rights on intestacy. If you are married, and your partner passes away without a will, you automatically receive a share of your partner's estate. If you were in a common law relationship in Canada, you have no right to get anything. Instead, you must bring a claim for unjust enrichment against your partner's estate.

P

[Krozone]

scubadiver: have you been living together in a Common Law relationship under the same roof for 2 years straight?

You note: we've had problems for the last year and a half. Additionally, she has returned the Ring. Hence, you are no longer in a Common Law relationship on course to be married.

As PhD suggested; "I don't think alimony is going to be a major factor for you"

Go your separate way and move on.

[natenator]

scubadiver: have you been living together in a Common Law relationship under the same roof for 2 years straight?

You note: we've had problems for the last year and a half. Additionally, she has returned the Ring. Hence, you are no longer in a Common Law relationship on course to be married.

As PhD suggested; "I don't think alimony is going to be a major factor for you"

Go your separate way and move on.
whether a ring is involved or not matters none to the laws governing common law...

[BenT]

scubadiver

I am not a lawyer, so don't consider this legal advice:

Are you in Ontario? First of all you are not common-law in Ontario until you have cohabited for 3 years (even though you can say you're common law on your taxes after 1 year), in BC it is 2 years cohabitation. Cohabitation means living together, whether you rent or own.

Separation comes under provincial jurisdiction.

If, as you say you purchased the house 50/50 and you are both on title you are both rightfully entitled to 50%. However, you could both argue for the value of home improvements if you made any.

Common law separation DOES provide for support payments - but even if you are in BC and legally common law, you haven't been common law for very long. So your payments would be so small and for such a short period that it's not worth her going to court over.

[scubadiver]

Yeah it's been 2 years straight in Ontario. We moved into the house in November 2007 and we're both co-owners on the mortgage (the initial thought was for us both to pay it equally but I was the dumbass who wanted to be fair because I thought this would be permanent). After about 6 months we started to stop talking to each other. I guess we kept trying to make it work (humanity's emotional ability where hope triumphs over experience I guess).

I didn't know about the notary. Who do I talk to for advice on what paperwork I need? We're still on amicable terms, but hey women can turn vengeful in a second, so who knows. I can get the initial paperwork done and if she turns bitchy then just bite the bullet. The money is the big motivator though - she won't want to declare bankrupcy over this.

Here's where I now have a beef with the Mortgage with TD bank. On a 5 year fixed term mortgage, to get out 2 years into it, the penalty is $25,000. I'm SHOCKED. So I have to figure out how to approach this. She can't afford to take over the mortgage (unless she gets roommates) and she sure as hell won't let me keep the house even though I can afford the payments. So now I have to go to the bank and see what my options are to reduce this damage. Talk about a cash grab. Yes I know it's free enterprise and that's what you get for breaking a contract. It's still an outrageous amount of free cash for the bank.

[scubadiver]

scubadiver

I am not a lawyer, so don't consider this legal advice:

Are you in Ontario? First of all you are not common-law in Ontario until you have cohabited for 3 years (even though you can say you're common law on your taxes after 1 year),

This could be the best news I've heard yet. I did assume it was common law after a year because of the tax submission. So there's no 50/50 split of assets or my RRSP? Dude THANKS for the heads-up.

[physique]

wow most banks charge 3 months interest when u break a term loan. your bank is racking u over the coals.

notaries u can find in the phone book. just go in and tell them the story. they will set ya up.

[MikeyFXD35]

Sell the house and have someone assume the mortgage.

[kloan]

kick her to the curb.

[monkey]

my dad moved most of his assets to Switzerland when they divorced...He did quite a few things, had "advice" from a friend who is a lawyer..
I never asked in detail since well, I am in the middle and he pulled an ashole move, but my mom bascially ended up with 40 000 afte 17 years of marriage..

Anyways, what he did was fishy and she could have probably fought it but she died at some point..

I am not educated on this.. but there must be a way how you can reduce the value of your assets..?

[champion99]

Here's where I now have a beef with the Mortgage with TD bank. On a 5 year fixed term mortgage, to get out 2 years into it, the penalty is $25,000. I'm SHOCKED. So I have to figure out how to approach this. She can't afford to take over the mortgage (unless she gets roommates) and she sure as hell won't let me keep the house even though I can afford the payments. So now I have to go to the bank and see what my options are to reduce this damage. Talk about a cash grab. Yes I know it's free enterprise and that's what you get for breaking a contract. It's still an outrageous amount of free cash for the bank.

Bankers are legal crooks...I can't ****ing stand them..They do not have your best interest in heart..Bottom line how much can I charge you for everything you do here...

[Bowlcut]

THis is why the government should have no role in marriages.
A marriage should be a private contract.

The fact she is even considering dating other people makes me think she isn't the one for you. If you bring up the topic it might even make her less likely to cause problems.