waderow
20-01-2010, 10:35 AM
These jokes are not politically correct, and if you cant take a joke you probably should just off yourself anyways.
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Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."
The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."
The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
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This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says, "I really want a drink."
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?"
The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called 'Nike,' for the slogan, 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his 'Snickers,' because 'It really Satisfies."
The customer looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. The customer asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?"
The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."
The thirsty customer asks, "Why Timex?"
The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"
A little shaken, the customer turns to the fella on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you call your penis?"
The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because 'Quality is Job 1.' " Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?"
Even more shaken, the customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is 'Secret.' Now give me my beer."
The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?"
The customer says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!"
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How many homo's does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one.....but it takes an entire emergency room to remove it!
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What are the first symptoms of AIDS?
A pounding sensation in the arse!
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A homo finally decides he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, so he went over to their house and found his mother in the kitchen cooking. He sat down at the table, let out a big sigh and said, "Mum, I have something to tell you. I'm gay."
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the queer was about to repeat it to make sure she had heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and calmly said, "Your gay? Doesn't that mean that men put their penis's in your anus?"
"Yes mum, they do." He replied.
"And you put other men's penis's in your mouth, right?" she asked calmly.
"Uh, yes mum I do." The homo said nervously.
His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled round, with a snarling face and hit him over the head with a frying pan and screamed, "Don't you dare complain about the taste of my cooking again!"
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Two queers were visiting the zoo, when they found themselves at the gorilla cage. The gorilla was sitting there with a huge erection. Unable to contain himself the first queer reaches inside the cage to touch the huge cock. As soon as arm goes into the cage the gorilla grabs him, takes him into the cage, slams him on the floor and (*)(*)(*)(*)s him senseless.
A few days later in hospital the first queer's boyfriend visits him and said, "Does it hurt?"
"Hurt? Hurt?" cried the gay fag.... "Of course it hurts. He hasn't phoned, he hasn't written........!"
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George and Elton, a pair of homosexual lovers, went hiking. George ducked behind a bush when he felt nature calling. Suddenly he called out, "How terrible! I miscarried! I miscarried! Here is a little arm! There is a little leg! This is so awful!"
"Shut up you idiot!" screamed Elton, "You just shit semen and blood all over a frog!"
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What do you call a homosexual dinosaur?
A Megasorarse!
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What's the worst thing a straight guy can say in a gay bar?
Can you push my stool in please?!
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What's a lesbian?
Just another woman trying to do a man's job.
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Whats the difference between a nazi and a gay man?
90 degrees.
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Three gay men died, and were going to be cremated. Their lovers happened to be at the funeral home at the same time, and were discussing what they planned to do with the ashes.
The first man said, "My Ryan loved to fly, so I'm going up in a plane and scatter his ashes in the sky."
The second man said, "My Ross was a good fisherman, so I'm going to scatter his ashes in our favorite lake."
The third man said, "My Jack was such a good lover, I think I'm going to dump his ashes in a pot of chili, so he can tear my ass up just one more time."
=================================================
This guy walks into a bar and two steps in, he realizes it's a gay bar. "But what the heck," he says, "I really want a drink."
When the gay waiter approaches, he says to the customer, "What's the name of your penis?"
The customer says, "Look, I'm not into any of that. All I want is a drink."
The gay waiter says, "I'm sorry but I can't serve you until you tell me the name of your penis. Mine for instance is called 'Nike,' for the slogan, 'Just Do It.' That guy down at the end of the bar calls his 'Snickers,' because 'It really Satisfies."
The customer looks dumbfounded so the bartender tells him he will give him a second to think it over. The customer asks the man sitting to his left, who is sipping on a beer, "Hey bud, what's the name of your penis?"
The man looks back and says with a smile, "TIMEX."
The thirsty customer asks, "Why Timex?"
The fella proudly replies, "Cause it takes a lickin' and keeps on tickin!"
A little shaken, the customer turns to the fella on his right, who is sipping a fruity Margarita and says, "So, what do you call your penis?"
The man turns to him and proudly exclaims, "FORD, because 'Quality is Job 1.' " Then he adds, "Have you driven a Ford, lately?"
Even more shaken, the customer has to think for a moment before he comes up with a name for his penis. Finally, he turns to the bartender and exclaims, "The name of my penis is 'Secret.' Now give me my beer."
The bartender begins to pour the customer a beer, but with a puzzled look asks, "Why secret?"
The customer says, "Because it's STRONG ENOUGH FOR A MAN, BUT MADE FOR A WOMAN!"
==================================================
How many homo's does it take to put in a light bulb?
Only one.....but it takes an entire emergency room to remove it!
==================================================
What are the first symptoms of AIDS?
A pounding sensation in the arse!
==================================================
A homo finally decides he could no longer hide his sexuality from his parents, so he went over to their house and found his mother in the kitchen cooking. He sat down at the table, let out a big sigh and said, "Mum, I have something to tell you. I'm gay."
His mother made no reply or gave any response, and the queer was about to repeat it to make sure she had heard him, when she turned away from the pot she was stirring and calmly said, "Your gay? Doesn't that mean that men put their penis's in your anus?"
"Yes mum, they do." He replied.
"And you put other men's penis's in your mouth, right?" she asked calmly.
"Uh, yes mum I do." The homo said nervously.
His mother went back to stirring the pot, then suddenly whirled round, with a snarling face and hit him over the head with a frying pan and screamed, "Don't you dare complain about the taste of my cooking again!"
================================================== =
Two queers were visiting the zoo, when they found themselves at the gorilla cage. The gorilla was sitting there with a huge erection. Unable to contain himself the first queer reaches inside the cage to touch the huge cock. As soon as arm goes into the cage the gorilla grabs him, takes him into the cage, slams him on the floor and (*)(*)(*)(*)s him senseless.
A few days later in hospital the first queer's boyfriend visits him and said, "Does it hurt?"
"Hurt? Hurt?" cried the gay fag.... "Of course it hurts. He hasn't phoned, he hasn't written........!"
================================================== =
George and Elton, a pair of homosexual lovers, went hiking. George ducked behind a bush when he felt nature calling. Suddenly he called out, "How terrible! I miscarried! I miscarried! Here is a little arm! There is a little leg! This is so awful!"
"Shut up you idiot!" screamed Elton, "You just shit semen and blood all over a frog!"
================================================== =
What do you call a homosexual dinosaur?
A Megasorarse!
================================================== =
What's the worst thing a straight guy can say in a gay bar?
Can you push my stool in please?!
================================================== =
What's a lesbian?
Just another woman trying to do a man's job.
================================================== =
Whats the difference between a nazi and a gay man?
90 degrees.
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